2009 MotherFucker

Being a mother myself I’m standing as the pillar of the system to ‘fuck’ the children into ultimate slavery.

As I’m standing as the pillar I find that everyone is spitting on you

Society doesn’t like children you are nowhere welcome with kids, they scream, they make noise they are just trouble

Friends without children do not want to see you same as above

Husband doesn’t like you because you have changed so much, your body has changed, your not as attractive as before

Mother in law is fucking with you because she’s always comparing your parenting skills to her skills and within this always judging you because you suck.

People here on the forum, well most of them don’t want to take or understand the equal responsibility for the mess we are in and are still pointing fingers

So I’, standing as the pillar of the system

Which is what?

Well the only thing I can see and understand is that I take responsibility for my live for the acts and deeds I’m responsible for

How to stop myself and therefore stop the kids.

I didn’t really particularly ‘like’ this article but hey if anyone is blaming others there is work to do.

The observation that actually everyone hating his or her parents and therefore mothers in general is explaining a lot.

Mothers

The mothers is the one to blame and how many have written about it here on the forum, how may of us have been able to really unconditionally forgive this point within ourselves? The point of blame, blaming the mother for your own misery

Mothers as the pillar of the system

It’s very convenient to blame her as consciousness, we hide the truth in blame and blame will be the main thing we participate in. And it all stems from the hate and the blame and the fear of your mother.

Mothers as the pilar of the system

The motherfucker who is fucking her children at home while the man is fucking everyone in the outer matrix

Ok motherhood is really not such a grateful thing in this existence

How to turn this into a gift?

I experience lots of blame of other forum members

I experience lots of guilt inside

I experience pain inside

I suppress that pain

I suppress that guilt

There is only one way to unconditionally forgive myself

I will always be challenged by it, because it’s everywhere. Blame towards mother is everywhere and people will always blame me for it. Always!

Do I want to live with blame as my directive principle?

Do I want to be defined by blame

Is this my self definition?

No so it stops here

Until here and not further

I’m here

I breath

SF MOTHER

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I as a mother am the pillar of the system, to reproduce clones

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I as a mother stand for the primary pillar in this existence for total enslavement

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that M is the other pillar as a father

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I experience pain, guilt when looking at this point

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I react when I read post about motherhood

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get tiered of hearing the same message over and over again and again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I rather do not read this kind of post

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to unconditionally forgive myself for being the primary pillar of enslavement by being a mother

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that all people in the world are in hate of their mothers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as being judged because I’m a mother

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that people on the forum judge mothers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that everyone hates their mothers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in spite of my two mothers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being hurt when reading post of people who are spiting their mothers and motherhood

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that we are equally responsible for our acceptances and allowances

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I experience hurt and pain within myself when people do not realize this

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that when I don’t STOP nothing will change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that if we won’t STOP nothing will change

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to unconditionally forgive myself for being a mother.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I didn’t unconditionally forgive my two mothers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I didn’t unconditionally forgive all others as me that are in blame, and judgment about the pillar of the system =mothers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I experience myself as being hurt when beings do not understand that all are equally responsible and have to take self -responsibility for this existence, by unconditionally forgive the one where it originates from how you exist todayà your mother

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience pain when seeing this

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate self to this experience of myself of being hurt

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that being hurt is the thing that equals my mother and the way I experienced myself I was always hurt by her

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that she was always hurting me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I suppress these feelings within myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I deny these feeling inside myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I didn’t had the courage to feel that what I experience inside

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to become intimate with my feelings and myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that when I’m not unconditionally forgive this within myself I’m not being self honest

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to get to know myself, my pain, my tears, all that I suppress, all that is hidden inside.

I’m here

I breathe

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to look for the origin of this fake silence within

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that this fake silence became who I am who I perceived myself to be

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that this was ‘I’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I was small and she was big

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I didn’t had any means to go beyond ‘standing my ground’ while being a child

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I’ve been absolutely powerless against her

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I hated her for this

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I hated my mother all my life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that she ‘took’ all my power away by demanding me, by commanding me, by abusing me, by verbally abusing me, by hitting me, by ignoring me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I created a fake silence within my self were I could seclude myself from her judgment/rejections, voice, presence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I never really understood why she was acting like she was acting

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I can only take responsibility for myself and therefore I forgive her as me

And even when I ‘m voicing my self-forgiveness I see movement resistance wanting to rebel against it/her still dormant within me. The self-forgiveness is not unconditionally it’s not forgiven

I’m still holding on to ‘blame’, not wanting to let go.

I do not want to really unconditionally forgive this.

FLAGPOINT

Despite all the self-forgiveness I voiced I still observe resistance.

I want to rebel against it as I always did it this way- ok what does the rebel represents? Consciousness

So I realize that there are many layers to this ‘version’ of myself

And I have to chew on this definition of self and why I hold onto it, wanting to rebel against it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that the dream of a ‘perfect’ mother is still dormant within myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I perceive that what has done upon me as something that isn’t fair and therefore I will not forgive it/her unconditionally

Oh fuck

Here we go again

I’ve been at this point before…

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I was not to blame and therefore I won’t unconditionally forgive her but instead hold on to my methodology of survival to any cost to deny my self- responsibility within the manifested outflow of it all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I was not to blame and therefore I forgive myself unconditionally that it has done upon me as it has done upon her as a outflow of the way we are and have always existed everyone is equally responsible, even me!

There cannot be any exception-lol

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I have to unconditionally forgive the act that seemingly cant be self forgiven

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I want to hold on to: “No it wasn’t me”. I’m not guilty à the others are, my mother is the one to blame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I programmed myself to always say No, to always be in denial of that what I did, to never admit guilt to anyone, not even myself as this comes with punishment that I want to avoid at any cost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I do not want to experience myself as the one who’s responsible for myself.

The exact same thing as when my mother punished me, to force unto me to admit my ‘guilt’. It’s in essence the exact same thing

Saying no I didn’t do it. I’m not responsible But I was, it’s just a outflow of the accepted and allowed nature of what we’ve have become through permission

If I ‘can’t’ do this, ‘I’ will not be ‘free’ no one will be ‘free’. Equal responsibility for all outflows in this existence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I feel uncomfortable when writing this down

I forgive myself that I didn’t allow myself to unconditionally forgive ‘my share’ within it all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that although I was small and she was big, that this was already a play out of many lives, of many lies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I have fallen out of grace a long time ago through permission.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to understand and self realize this single point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that there is no escape from taking self-responsibility, no escape from standing up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with myself that I didn’t stood up as a child

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with myself that I didn’t stood up when I was able to

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my feelings of self anger, self destruction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself to such an extend that I’m not even self aware that those feelings are dormant within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I do not take self responsibility to stand up and forgive that what is seemingly impossible to forgive to forgive my mother as me to forgive my birth mother as me, to forgive myself unconditionally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I do not push myself enough to live that what is best for all.

I forgive myself for that I haven’t allowed myself to unconditionally forgive myself

I breathe

I’m here

I breathe

I’m humble

It boils down to one point I’m still living the denial of my own self-responsibility I handle the world as I handled myself when being with my mother.

Still ‘innocently-playing’ with all the ‘goodies’ Being a very ‘well-adapted’ ‘life-form’ that is focused on ‘Survival’

I’m not willing to admit my guilt because with guilt comes punishment and this I do not want to experience within myself.

And this anger towards my parents is the feeding ground of self-anger

“And so = Multiple-Levels of Suppression exist within that.”

And I’m still living this every single day, in every thing I participate in- I use the methodology I ‘protected’ myself from my parents to handle my ‘reality’

I’m still that child but know I’m a grown up playing around with all the ‘goodies’ and not knowing how to direct myself beyond the fake ‘silence’ as ‘standing my ground’

I really have to let this go through unconditionally forgive myself

Because that’s the way I control my reality – I’m still that child playing innocently around with the ‘goodies’ My world has grown bigger and I have grown bigger but I’m using the exact same methodology to fuck with myself an this existence to withdraw in a silence within ‘to stand my ground’ without realizing that I’m holding the gift in my hands to really stand my ground by being self honest to unconditionally forgive myself and others to forgive that what is seemingly unforgiveable, that what is still dormant within myself, the rage and the anger that is eating me away that is destroying everyone and everything on my way. The abuse I participate in

To forgive, to admit ‘guilt’, to experience that within myself, as I am ‘guilty’ responsible of the way ‘I’ and all other ‘I’s’ exist today

What a relieve

And R just reflected this back to me, one of the multiply layers of suppression within the metholodigy I use to ‘survive’

Being paralyzed by words secluding myself within the fake silence within to hold on to an idea of self actually and mostly I didn’t do it I’m not ‘guilty’ so therefore I do not have to take self responsibility I do not have to stand up as life.

Blame always

One point, it’s always one point

And then this steps forth-à that I do not really want to forgive myself

Ok have to chew on this some more

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