Which opened up recently is that my pelvic floor point and the lower back is related and locks into the buttocks and lower back points
So within this construct I see that I the ‘last’ kick to be completely and utterly ingrained within the system was me exploring sex in all ways, I didn’t do that when I was in my teens or twenties I seriously started doing so when I was 32.
So not a little bit or exploring sexuality I went all the way there are some things I didn’t try but basically I did all I could think of and wanted to explore
I went from no sex unto all the sex in all kind of different ways I wanted to have the ultimate sexual experience and at that time yep I was satisfied with my findings
From a mind perspective I was satisfied by the experiences
and I realize that after I cooled down I wanted to become pregnant and I had my first child
Ok pain in my buttocks, electrical charges
Reading sex and (self) movement I think I saw movement
I realize that without this intense faze with lots of sex and masturbation and god knows what I ‘re-entered’ the unified field and got downloaded with lots and lots of information and it was during this time that my pelvic floor instability was becoming a issue
Taking into consideration that the buttock point and the lower back is the power point and the foundation of the religious point I must say that it starts to make more sense, it was very difficult for me to pinpoint this point down, I couldn’t get a hold on it
Every time I looked at it I was looking at a void not seeing anything or having any sort of clarity within this point
The power point=giving your power away
I am thought
I am of consciousness
I had all kind of white light things going on after this, so I felt loved and beloved.
I gave myself to the system that how I experience it now by giving myself to sex and the experience of it, the experience of myself and I can tell that when I of mind is doing that within my ‘unique’ design there are no ‘boundaries’ no ‘limitations’ in the way ‘I’ explored it.
The final push within and as the system to become fully and totally ingrained through giving myself away through sex and thus through love and thus through religion as described in Veno’s SR
Love equals religion both primary pillars of how you design yourself accordingly through these two points among other points
Ok when sitting outside and smoking a cigarette I felt my left wing I was looking into the point and I saw nurturing but then I saw limitation on the left side so when I was younger within the system design I was struggling with the mother, the religious side of it and later on after I had this outburst of wanting to experience myself through sex I got deeply ingrained within the father, outer world and now my design was ‘finished’ the outcome was kids and from there pretty much predictable and being a good ‘servant’ I now became in this reality ‘established’ with kids and a husband and enough money to lead a comfortable life and then I met Desteni and the way back started.
Ok again back to my limitation and my wings on my left wing I have a lump which is growing and ok now my left wing is giving me charges as it is speaking to me, it s confirming that I’m on the right spot
The design of the mother was in place religion
Time for the design of the father to become fully ingrained politics
I just know that I had some purity left somehow but when I grew older I depleted completely and found ways to cope with this world and I actually gave up and gave in. I was exhausted by running around looking for something to grasp to hold onto either sex, light, love, yoga, retraits, soul mate and so on and I was deeply disappointed in love and the goodness of people in general, disappointed in spirituality because I was betrayed by the two people I respected the most I saw them as the embodiment of spirituality and they ‘betrayed’ me extensively
I met M, I married and got kids and thought Ok this is it I was not in love with him as I defined love as two souls getting together connecting and so on I was so done with that I just ‘choose’ him because I gave up and with him I found just peace of mind, literally.
From there I didn’t ask any question and I basically ignored him as he and my in laws where not there, do not exist I never questioned it and I never looked into it once again. Done, just done
I realized already some time ago that I’m now married with my father it’s the exact same experience of myself doing the same cycle over and over agian, as I ignored him in my life as well as someone that does not exist and does not really have any influence at all
Its denial in full force but not seen, by not being even aware of it
That last part to get me in this marriage was kind of difficult because I didn’t was really interested in it at all, He was just my best **** ever so I married my best **** ever and that is that.
We got married because of the children no big thing, just him and me we didn’t even had proper rings, we used some phoney rings my in laws brought from Mecca
No wedding party, no white clothes
Just a formality
Oh yes, then I got introduced with Desteni and now on my way back
After the kids and being a mother, this part of my life has been traumatic to realize and of course the kids are an outflow thereof, So its one, this part
It was kind of difficult to get where I’m now and I really think that the white light was programming me and was sending some white light angels and so on during my miscarriage because at that stage I wanted to commit suicide I was so fucking fat up with everything that I wanted to get out I remember walking on the street and had a experience of ok I will step out of this reality I just step out I walk out of it as I saw that this is just not real, I at that stage would have probably done it when the angels or what ever they were wouldn’t been at my door, a friend of mine send me to a medium as well and then I got slowly on my ‘feet’ again
The physical experience of the miscarriage was intense and painful, all information within the body came running towards the surface and within this immense pain I could see so much and I see that I saw directly what was happening and this actually I couldn’t bear, all this information about my life and why of course I couldn’t placed it back then but it was just information and something you as and of system shouldn’t be aware of or even see and in that moment and after I started in a way disconnecting not that I was able to direct it in any way but that was actually the first time in my live and I had not a easy live at all that I was giving in, I was ready to leave.
The pain of the miscarriage was big and traumatising something snapped inside of me and then I just numbed down, it all happened in the year before the portal opened I got pregnant again when the portal opened I even know the exact moment of conception new years eve dec 2004 or maybe just a day after-lol
The only thing I could think of when reading the site was FUCK FUCK this comes to late for me, why now why not 5 years ago? It’s to late now.