So, Yes it was intense and emotional this was the second time we shared SF together and we were scared as hell.
Ok so we pushed ourselves beyond this limitation of being scared.
I noticed a slight change within myself whenever I wanted to wallow in emotions I stop slowed myself down and walked again.
Even when the mind so to speak doesn’t want to go further and resist so much then I realize ok this is it, this resistance I have to embrace exactly this point and embrace it, breath! Only the breath is pulling me through.
So I noticed that whenever I want to give in, into emotions and Blame as a manifested construct a wall of resistance I managed to breathe through this massive wall and remain here as breath. I walk/stumble upon the exact same wall- I recognise so well from my youth- when being with my father.
I realize that nothing will get me through really nothing then being here in and as the breath not as an ATTEMPT of trying to archive anything but as the living expression as me.
And I must say it’s a release. I’m done fighting this particular point and specifically fighting this within myself.
It’s not ‘easy’ to sit down together to take him and hold him as me, but I do the same as I do with the little ones hold him as me and to see that he’s truly me all the refractions that hurt so much inside is only me refusing to embrace me here.
I noticed that I was gentle yet firm and standing with and as him and pushed it till the ultimate in which was possible in the moment until we get to the next forgiveness round so to speak, I didn’t had a plan and I pushed what ever presented itself in the moment.
So that was cool but I’m not yet done I’m done when its done. Simple
Another point that I observed is that actually holding another is the most simple thing that is here to do its effortless and ones you breath through all the resistance its effortless and you can actually see why and how you made all the fuzz to hold on to self definitions, ideas of self and to defend them at any cost regardless of all and everything.
I have to embrace that M is where he’s at this stage this doesn’t imply that I accept it I embrace it as me and walk with him as me.
There is nothing what I can do at this stage other than breath and embrace all refractions of me ‘out there’ unconditionally as me to take them ‘in’ as me.
At a certain point when voicing self-forgiveness fear came up when we’re looking each other in the eyes, and I took it in as me simple effortless. This doesn’t mean that it’s lalalala land over here, we shared self forgiveness and I realize that I have to walk it in every moment of breath to be and become and live this as the living expression of me as the living statement as me. Self-forgiveness in application and this will not be established over night as I realized.
I also observe that within the gentleness and being directive at the same time I don’t need to raise my voice or become angry as a respond, I’m clear in my expression and when needed I firmly speak the words but there is no need to ‘use’ my voice as an indicator of my intentions.
That’s another point, which I observed within that I raise my voice when being with the little ones and it’s absolutely not necessary.
To let Mo in so to speak I saw that being together with him must be the same as in being equal to him to enjoy doing what he’s doing like riding his motor bike and me sitting on the back.
Not that I really particularly enjoy riding the motorbike but to spend time with him doing something he’s enjoying and to be together when doing so. Just as with the girls doing things they enjoy doing giving them ‘space’ to do so. And within this it doesn’t matter whether I enjoy doing so because actually I do not really know what I like doing-lol