2009 Observing Myself

Tuesday 21 July

Today I felt heavy when waking up, depressed almost.

We had a meeting today about our house, I actually do not know how I experienced myself I saw this man talking and while observing him. I was seeing all kinds of things someone who can suppress himself very well, we exchanged some information and then I saw that only when he could give input he talked and when he received input he didn’t liked or was bothered about he made all kind of insinuations with his body that he wanted to leave.

Then I observed this: loaded with money and only wants projects to own to call them my own, whether property or people.

Actually I couldn’t really direct myself within it all, I was only able to observe myself.

And when he left I said:Divorced,Alimony,Loaded,Ownership. Ok, so we achieved what we needed to do.

Then I walked down to the apple store to buy and inform about another laptop mine is almost crashing. The shop assistant was talking so fast and was so hyper that after some time I stopped, I just stopped myself running off and trying to cope with his verbal speed.

When I walked home I was feeling lost. I notice that I observe myself when interacting with others in this world and I see that I’m only able to observe myself at this stage and allocate and identify who I am in this but I can’t direct myself within this yet.

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