Much has change within being self directive within my world/reality. I needed to sort out my world I have lived within a bubble of automated beingness for a very long time and hadnt yet willed myself to get to the core of this specific point.
Who I am within what I do has been the question and I have been working on pulling points through within the automated responses I became in fact within being with my partner. It has been ‘tough’. I got a wake up call by my resonance which I am grateful for and from there I started writing in self honesty and forgive myself for all the points I am holding as fear within me towards the placement of my partner and myself within my world. I started scripting an agreement for myself from the starting point of This is where I stand for; This is what I agreed on becoming in a living expression of self in every moment without allowing any compromise or excuses from myself or another. This is what I am walking either you walk with or you dont. Thats all I ask in humbleness and will not tolerate anything else from another then what I accept and allow within myself. And from there being directive in every moment of participation when seeing myself within him became quite effortless, the ‘decision’ unfolded in simplicity.
It took me a long time to get to this point. Yet I see that all other moments are ‘enclosed’ in this moment of releasing all of the past within directing myself here.
There will be many changes coming in terms of practicality and many shit still to walk through as the manifested consequence I am walking through yet I am here.
Its revealing to see that once you forgive yourself, face to face with the person you have been closest to for many years, that all the words spoken self forgiveness shared in self honesty are used and twisted against you when its benefitting the other persons self delusion and ego.
It only stops when I stop