2009 SRA notes 06/12/09

SR notes 06/12/09
Ok today I observed an energetic charge.
Its a great Self support tool to finally address these energetic charges through utilising mc, through really slowing myself down applying the 4 count breath I’m able to identify the charge.
Every energetic charge is having a different signature and it has been always on the tip of my tongue but I didn’t had the vocabulary to address it.
I was aware of the energetic charges but now through mc I can address them and identify it.

So what was I looking at today – the energetic charge that emerges when the kids are all over me physically. Jumping up and down, using me as a toy. They hurt me, I get elbows, knees, hands and nails everyway. Now when this happens I am charging up so to speak I become irritated and at a certain stage I want to explode and want them to stop.Not cool. I addressed this already and wrote SF on the irritation but it didn’t seemed to get to the core of what is at hand here.
I also observed when being with the kids that almost every interaction is charging me either through their actions, questions, picture presentation, physical presence.
But here I will adress only this point of today

So what’s the priority point to work with here?
Pattern
Opinion
I cannot forgive myself because …
Words tested out that assist with this pattern, what’s behind the energetic charge?
Hesitation
Disapproval
Are these two words sufficient? On y/n yes

So the hesitation of forgiving myself stems from being in disapproval of myself? On indicator y/n – yes
So the question arises what’s an opinion? I would say a judgement.

Disapproval of myself
So behind this specific energetic charge which almost always ends of me becoming explosive lies a Pattern, an Opinion of being in disapproval of myself and therefore I hesitate to forgive myself? On y/n Yes

Are these two words sufficient to work with through this accepted Pattern? On y/n yes
So my dictionary says
Disapproval – Possession or expression of an unfavourable opinion
So within this steps forth:
It’s immediate and automated as me

Another question that comes up does this stem from my mother? Because that’s what steps forth as well because my mother expressed exactly this, being in disapproval of me.
To gain more understanding about what I’m looking at
e.g. when I’m in absolute disapproval of something or person without even knowing where it stems from- that’s exactly how I am in disapproval of myself.
Just automated and immediately through a voiced opinion expressed that’s how I can relate to it – connect it to this specific Pattern- Opinion.
Because that’s what an opinion is really a conditioned automated responses to the input without knowing where it stems from, where it originated from and whether this comes from you or from a past conditioned Pattern infused into you through repetition by a reliable source which was of course through the first authority figures in my live, my parents my mother. My mother spend more time with us when we’re little then my father she was the one whom dressed us the morning, having breakfast with us and at home when we got out of school and so on.
The word disapproval related to the Pattern Opinion makes so much sense because my father always told me that the minute my mother saw me she decided, “NO I can’t love her, I don’t like her.” Without any reason or motivation, that was that. Obviously I never understood it really. I realise and know that the way her mother raised her probably engaged within the same Pattern.
The si(g)ns of the father in this case the mother

Pattern:
1.I forgive myself to hesitate to forgive myself because I live the Opinion that I am in disapproval of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate to forgive myself because of the disapproval I have about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate to forgive myself because of automated opinion I live as me which is of being in disapproval of myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to investigate in depth how my mothers specific opinion about me became the opinion I automated and lived as me: being in disapproval of myself

2.I forgive myself that I cannot forgive myself because of the lived opinion that I am in disapproval of myself

3.I forgive myself that I cannot forgive myself because of the opinion I have about myself which is being in disapproval of myself

4. I forgive myself that I cannot forgive myself because of the disapproval of my mother when I was a child

5.I forgive myself that I cannot forgive myself because of the opinion my mother had of me which was of disapproval when I was a child

6.I forgive myself for allowing myself to be programmable through others opinions about me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be programmable because of the opinion my mother had about me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be programmable through exposure and repetition of the same opinion about me by the first authority figure in my live my mother and allowed this opinion to become my own opinion about myself.

7.I forgive myself for accepting others opinions about me to become the opinion I have about myself

8.I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that my mothers disapproval of me became my own opinion about myself and therefore I forgive myself that I couldn’t forgive myself because of allowed opinion I had of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy my mother’s opinion about me as my own opinion about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy my mothers opinion about me on an unconscious level without any awareness where the outer expression of myself originated or rooted from

I give myself back to me
I am not my opinion I have about myself
I don’t engage in the polarity of disapproval or being in approval of myself
I direct myself in and as the breath whenever and energetic charge comes up which I cant track back to its origin and therefore I allow myself to investigate where this energetic charge stems from
I allow myself to not be directed by any energetic charge to define who I am
I allow myself to forgive myself
I allow myself to stand
I allow myself to investigate all opinions I live automated as me through and as energetic charges which I tend to follow
I support myself through allowing myself to breath utilising breath to slow myself down, to actually see the energetic charges emerging
I Support myself through applying the 4 count breath to realize what I have become

Required Action tested out to Support myself
Speaking about it when I find myself going into it

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