Walking the decision
It has been ‘tough’ to stand within the decisions I recently made and lived, now It must be done not postponing it through making the decision into an experience of myself where I am very tempted to walk into and actually walked into already– creating an experience out of the decision that stepped forth while directing myself.
So I see where and how I participate within generating energy it can be anything and also the side effects this is creating – unacceptable and I stop
I realize that the children, my children any child for that matter is the future and that the future will unfold determined by each individual action.
In a way I ‘forgot’ or was thinking that I could bypass the children b/c I was struggling, wallowing, stabilizing, drifting of again I see that I still didn’t yet make that definite infinite stand of: Here is where I am this is what I do and agreed on living and the children are the future and for them as them I need to give up ‘me’ simple as that. And in this I will stabilize myself to life this stand, in a way I see that this is how it went and looking at the past with thoughts like:
Couldn’t I have done this earlier or sooner? or if and what not and so on isn’t serving anyone and not even relevant and actually only generating energy – it is what it is make peace with it and walk on. Prepare the way before yourself so the next time one is faced with the exact same thing – one will stand and see the deception of time and choices.
Lets get it done!
It is what it is and I am grateful that I had the opportunity to see, understand and realize and now to walk to correct. I must walk into the corrective action now to finish what I agreed on living . To direct it towards the next faze I walk into which is already here. Directing it to its completeness – from breathe to breathe until its done.
The decision is made its done now directing it to its completeness and focus on the girls b/c I realize that it has been ‘them and the fear of what I had become in the point of motherhood what I wanted to avoid and its time to face it within myself: Motherhood where all sins/programs comes together. Lets walk!
I realize that there are many layers and that after, beyond every layer is another layer of deception and that this isn’t done in a ‘moment’ yet in every moment, its done when we are all done, so it will be a life time commitment and this commitment must stand infinite as the stand I am making