2010 Change

Something has changed

when being with the children, I ‘see’ the play out especially when Z gets home from a play date when she is still resonating all the imprints she has been exposed to she isn’t yet here so to speak .

Then what happens is that I get tired, physically tired, very tired.Its like being drawn into ‘something’. Where I use to respond  as in an act of automated reactive behaviour I now get physically tired. I sometimes slip into reacting-automated, yet I am able to stop and immediately Direct me I stabilise myself I let it go. I ‘see’  it now like a structure where ‘I’ play a part which is resonating without any real  substance to it.

Which is a word that is with me lately: Substance


Having no Substance

I have no actual words to describe it yet – but its very much within my awareness how little I actually really experience/ live as and in the physical as me/us/all here. Everything is within the structure without Real Substance, all the ingredients are here we are using it all, I mean we eat , we eat substance yet we dont have a clue what the real physical expression of food actually is and what surprises me the most that its here, and always has been here as me – lol

Same with sex, we do our thingy yet we do it within the structure utilising and actually abusing the body being blind for TOUCH and what touch is actually all about. TOUCH became sex and that is a empty fake experience it doesn’t have any substance – lol

It actually ‘came’ to me when doing the ‘exercises’ given by the resonances where I was working with food. Holding it as me where ‘it’ stepped forth so effortlessly and it was/is enjoyable to ‘see’ and enjoy substance, our physical reality as such

I always get in a void when the resonances ask me to expand on definitions or words of the description I have given. Yet I see that within this lies the opportunity to slow down, which isn’t that scary anymore. lol  And it gives me the opportunity to see and ‘find’ the words that comes with it, to describe what I see which is the next step to walk.

Today I actually ‘saw’ within someone the expression of slowing down and then I stand one and equal as it and become it as me which I can expand on explore as well. Its the same with other expression that I experience around me which I admire or adore or simple enjoy! I Stand one and equal as it and within this bypass the mind in one single moment! Which is very cool – to become aware of me here as physical expression.

So cool

Expansion and exploration of this point will establish as I walk

It has to do with the decision I currently walking into being and re- discover myself its like many ‘bodies’ ‘layers’ ‘veils’ has disappeared and I feel lighter, and everything is brighter yes, I experience myself less heavy. More up to ‘things’. So cool

Only in retrospective I can see how I neglected ‘myself’ and how deeply I have been in the/a hypnotized state by believing that I am of the structure with no substance to it – fake life.

I found myself back, something I though was lost along the way and actually wasn’t even aware that it was this very experience of myself that I lost. Really we are such a stupid lost  beings.Its not even disheartening anymore – its just plain stupidity and the more peopel wake up the faster we can move.

The point I couldn’t give up/see wasn’t able to grasp easily evolved around money that one point I was holding on to – no judgement. I see it all around me, how all are hypnotised and thus defined by money =survival.

The decision established self trust in trusting myself to always walk in the best interest of all and realising that my way applied is only serving the delusion of self, so I let it go no matter what. Its not serving all then it must go and be corrected. and that pushing oneslef to the limit is quite rewarding and not scary but enjoyable because it gives a freaking lot of satisfaction – I mean equality is FUN
I see, I correct,I walk aligned what is best for all and be an absolute perfectionist while doing so. It must be 100% flawless – 1+1=2