2010 Being out of Breath

Being out of breath

When chatting with A last night we brought up this point.

Being out of breath when participating with others is when I allow myself to wander and actually wanting to be more then I am which leads me then to wanting to take more breaths at the same time – which is not possible

its actually very much doing,trying to do to much, overdoing it

Not being grounded anchored within the physical reality as the breathe, simple walking the moment here as me.


This picture illustrates ‘the overdoing it’ part very accurately!


Ok that’s it


2010 Physical Action

Today I saw once again that real physical action will push me through the point of stagnation and resistance.

If I want something done – I will myself to act

A house will not be cleaned by itself, physical action is what it takes – lol

Now to will this realisation in every moment into and as a physical action as me here until its automated as me is what it takes

Push push push

2010 Push push push

Push push push

Ok this point needs to be pushed yet I am not getting to the point where I push it into complete awareness I am still dragging myself through the day postponing looking at it in depth.

I am very reluctant to dig into it – a wall of resistance is within me as me it keeps me in a trap not  that ‘it’ traps me I trap myself within ‘it’ yet I experience ‘it’ as a ‘It’ which does not exist b/c the resistance is ‘me’ and created by ‘me’ and maintained by ‘me’.

‘Me’ as the automated mother is the horror in action, yet today I saw actually within full blast how my mother couldn’t help herself she had to do and act out what she acted out as a mother  b/c it was automated as her it was designed as such and yeah resistance was futile.

I start to see glimpses of this automated me as a mother and hell no its not a pretty sight. That what one has become yet is not able to see b/c one is living it.

I will not allow myself to submit to this wall of resistance I experience I will walk and pull the point through into awareness into alignment.

Well, It only stops when I stop.

more on mother matrix design and its play out later

Ok that’s it for now.