2010 Push push push

Push push push

Ok this point needs to be pushed yet I am not getting to the point where I push it into complete awareness I am still dragging myself through the day postponing looking at it in depth.

I am very reluctant to dig into it – a wall of resistance is within me as me it keeps me in a trap not  that ‘it’ traps me I trap myself within ‘it’ yet I experience ‘it’ as a ‘It’ which does not exist b/c the resistance is ‘me’ and created by ‘me’ and maintained by ‘me’.

‘Me’ as the automated mother is the horror in action, yet today I saw actually within full blast how my mother couldn’t help herself she had to do and act out what she acted out as a mother  b/c it was automated as her it was designed as such and yeah resistance was futile.

I start to see glimpses of this automated me as a mother and hell no its not a pretty sight. That what one has become yet is not able to see b/c one is living it.

I will not allow myself to submit to this wall of resistance I experience I will walk and pull the point through into awareness into alignment.

Well, It only stops when I stop.

more on mother matrix design and its play out later

Ok that’s it for now.

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