2012 – The Ones that went before Us

It has been hard to grasp for me when I started to walk this process of aligning myself with whats best for all, that there is actually no one to blame and that there is actually no one really other than me that has created this mess.

We, as I experienced have the tendency to blame others for our current lives and the first one’s we actually start blaming for our own misery are our parents. The ones that went before us, and from there on we blame the educational system, jobs,society, politics and so on.

I realise/see and understand that this world is within my own image and likeness and within this understanding the ones that went before me are me in fact , because that’s what I left behind. I see realise and understand that I walk into and emerge from the whole into this world as what I left behind, created already. How could I emerge into something which isn’t me? That would be strange, when being part of the whole one can not emerge into something other than oneself in fact.

So within this realisation I can’t say or claim that the ones that went before me are separated from me because they are part of me, it makes the component of blame a complete different ball game.Its like blaming your back of being part of you and only because you can’t see your back you perceive that its separated from oneself,  yet you will start feeling it when it hurts because its undeniable part of you – lol

Artwork: http://www.thanuka.com/index.php


2011 Up-Date – Laws within this Reality

I have been extremely occupied with all kinds of practical consideration so basically all boils down to the money point again. Which is nothing new in it self, only the extend of how I came about as money and how thus this reality as money came about is still somewhat of a shocking experience which shows me ones again the vastness of ones/our mind control and how we’ve become money as an absolute. Money has replaced life in every possible way and we actually do not have a clue yet to which extend.

I’m currently walking a lot of legal procedures which are all bound to money, even marriage had become or should I say marriage before the law has become a business transaction. The papers one has to sign and thus is bound to because the written word is law in this reality.

I actually never took the effort to study into detail what I was signing up to when getting married. I actually never had given it a second thought even though I thought I was onto it –lol I know now that this wasn’t hardly the case, legal rules and requirements are constantly changing in this reality. Al depending on what is the most profitable way to bend the legal rules to gain more profit.

Ok so walking world matrix legal requirements which is a study in itself, its like collecting data and with this data you will make the best possible combination yet when you don’t have or aren’t able to work/play with all data necessary you will actually be or get fucked simply because you only see part of the whole. Within the legal ‘game’ one needs to have all in place and positioned so that all is placed within a set of rules. If you place something outside of these rules one can not walk the system it will simply not stand a change within it – so walking the system can only be done with utilising system rules which is something I always thought something that can be bent yet I realise that these rules can’t be change by perceiving that one is ‘bending’ some components of it. Only I can change who I am within it thanks to the Desteni ‘I’ process

Ok that’s it for now,thanks!

2009 Sharing Self Forgiveness Face to Face

So, Yes it was intense and emotional this was the second time we shared SF together and we were scared as hell.
Ok so we pushed ourselves beyond this limitation of being scared.
I noticed a slight change within myself whenever I wanted to wallow in emotions I stop slowed myself down and walked again.

Even when the mind so to speak doesn’t want to go further and resist so much then I realize ok this is it, this resistance I have to embrace exactly this point and embrace it, breath! Only the breath is pulling me through.

So I noticed that whenever I want to give in, into emotions and Blame as a manifested construct a wall of resistance I managed to breathe through this massive wall and remain here as breath. I walk/stumble upon the exact same wall- I recognise so well from my youth- when being with my father.

I realize that nothing will get me through really nothing then being here in and as the breath not as an ATTEMPT of trying to archive anything but as the living expression as me.

And I must say it’s a release. I’m done fighting this particular point and specifically fighting this within myself.

It’s not ‘easy’ to sit down together to take him and hold him as me, but I do the same as I do with the little ones hold him as me and to see that he’s truly me all the refractions that hurt so much inside is only me refusing to embrace me here.

I noticed that I was gentle yet firm and standing with and as him and pushed it till the ultimate in which was possible in the moment until we get to the next forgiveness round so to speak, I didn’t had a plan and I pushed what ever presented itself in the moment.

So that was cool but I’m not yet done I’m done when its done. Simple

Another point that I observed is that actually holding another is the most simple thing that is here to do its effortless and ones you breath through all the resistance its effortless and you can actually see why and how you made all the fuzz to hold on to self definitions, ideas of self and to defend them at any cost regardless of all and everything.

I have to embrace that M is where he’s at this stage this doesn’t imply that I accept it I embrace it as me and walk with him as me.
There is nothing what I can do at this stage other than breath and embrace all refractions of me ‘out there’ unconditionally as me to take them ‘in’ as me.

At a certain point when voicing self-forgiveness fear came up when we’re looking each other in the eyes, and I took it in as me simple effortless. This doesn’t mean that it’s lalalala land over here, we shared self forgiveness and I realize that I have to walk it in every moment of breath to be and become and live this as the living expression of me as the living statement as me. Self-forgiveness in application and this will not be established over night as I realized.

I also observe that within the gentleness and being directive at the same time I don’t need to raise my voice or become angry as a respond, I’m clear in my expression and when needed I firmly speak the words but there is no need to ‘use’ my voice as an indicator of my intentions.

That’s another point, which I observed within that I raise my voice when being with the little ones and it’s absolutely not necessary.
To let Mo in so to speak I saw that being together with him must be the same as in being equal to him to enjoy doing what he’s doing like riding his motor bike and me sitting on the back.

Not that I really particularly enjoy riding the motorbike but to spend time with him doing something he’s enjoying and to be together when doing so. Just as with the girls doing things they enjoy doing giving them ‘space’ to do so. And within this it doesn’t matter whether I enjoy doing so because actually I do not really know what I like doing-lol