2011 Writing Oneself to Freedom!

Writing is an amazing tool to self, through writing one gives self the opportunity to pull all ‘hidden’ information about oneself which is inside to the surface, outside.

Writing has been and is the ultimate key to self!
Why do we Destonians emphasise on writing as much as we do?
It’s already within the very act of writing, to actually sit oneself down with pen and paper/laptop already implies that one is taking oneself -even if this only for a moment -into consideration! Expressing gratefulness for self through a real physical action, writing!

By writing oneself out on a daily basis, one is giving self the opportunity to open up to the secret/private less preferable part of oneself, to become self intimate, in writing one can slow oneself down.
One can re-enter moments/events in one’s live without being ‘distracted’ by multiple facets while participating within ones reality/world, where one is most of the time automatically responding towards. Without actually realising where, when, why, what and how this response: the ability to respond to ones reality came about.

When sitting down with oneself to write, one gives self a moment to re-access automated responses within events/moments. To allow self a closer look at self, by slowing the whole moment/event down. Placing oneself as the participant in the shoes of self within the memory/moment/event/experience again and see for oneself through pulling out feelings, emotions, thoughts, how one actually has been experiencing oneself within an event/moment. And furthermore who one is, within what one actually does! All revealed through writing!

It will bring the actual, factual, real ‘raw’ lived self/participant ‘on the table’, allowing oneself a Reality Check, a Getting Real, back to Reality experience. I would say all should give oneself such a magnificent gift so join us! Write yourself to freedom. Because:

We all use words, we all know that words can “break you or make you”. So taking this knowledge into account one could state that words are the building blocks of oneself and thus of this reality, when this is so one can change self through words for the betterment of all. If one actually studies how the buildings blocks of you as words have been engineering oneself and thus this world, one can start with changing the process of de-engineering oneself for the betterment of all.

It’s actually fascinating how we’ve never taken into account; despise the knowledge, that words hold tremendous power over us, actually having us all by the balls! This information hasn’t brought us to really question words as us. We’ve all made promises that we haven’t lived and all have experienced how our beloved ones made promises and didn’t lived the spoken words into being. This is what we experiencing when being a child, parents sooner or later demonstrate through example: saying a and living b. All children know this and we’ve all have been children, so we all are aware of it yet this awareness hasn’t been part of our educational years so we didn’t had the tools to act upon it, time to act upon what we know. Educate yourself Writing and words are keys to self.

What are words actually other than building blocks utilised by the inhibitors, creators, us – of reality! Thoughts and words spoken do not immediately manifest yet words are directing situations/people towards a certain outcome.
One needs to understand how we utilise words in this world our reality, which starts of with our current truth the words each one is living. What have we actually brought into being as words as us as our current stance?

We must become living words in the best interest of all, and fascinating enough this will be done through the very thing that actually veiled us all, words! All are in need of re-education and this start of with understanding what words are! A sequence of words is a sentence and a sentence in action is living words. At Desteni we actually want to establish a world/word that’s best for all – so all words must be aligned with what’s best for al and we will Word, the Living Word into being.

By writing oneself to freedom one pulls the words – which have been creating ones reality; this world – outside oneself. From here one can have an unclouded look if these words which now have become visible through placing a mirror in front of oneself through writing – is actually within the best interest of all! Writing on a consistent basis gifts oneself with seeing ones stance! A camera can record pictures about all and everything around itself yet can never record itself. By writing oneself out, one can see what one has been recording over the years, layer for layer. Writing gives one the actual gift to re-enter the past which is lived as the recordings as words, thoughts, emotions, memories, – and bring it here through writing.

Learn more about words and one’s past as recordings that can be faced and seen through writing. Desteni ‘I’ process, writing as self-expression aligned with what’s best for All!

2011 BackChat – Divorce and Break Ups


Today I actually defined in one phrase why my marriage and all relationships I’ve been involved in came to an end and how that came about. Through allowing extensive backchat to exist as part of the secret mind as a normal accepted way within a relationship, to ‘give’ each other the right of having secrets within ones mind to withdraw into.

To give some examples if you are not familiar with the term backchat within relationships/marriage. Backchat is the soft speaking voices within that are quite loud in its demands of wanting to win and destroy. It can also be an experience of self where you can’t ‘find’ words for. To give some simple examples: smiling to someone while thinking “shut up” or “I really don’t have time for this”, saying “yes” but meaning “no”, judging your partner for his/her ways,lying,being polite because you don’t want to be rude and the list goes on and on all the things we keep secret to each other, we’re ashamed about, which makes us feel embarrassed and exposed of its existence within us.

I have found within me that when there is only one single refraction that is not openly shared one knows one thing which is absolutely certain because it’s a mathematical equation and the outcome is predictable, the relationship will fall it will not stand the test of time. All will be revealed sooner or later, best if you’re walking with a being to make that sooner than later.

I have learned through an experience = the hard way which takes time, it took me years to stand within it. Best not to go there and be straight and real from the start when walking with someone.

When answers to simple question becomes reasoning and fights for ones limitations without willing to change self one knows one thing, one is fucked- the relationship will not stand, it will fall.

Indicative of any potential of getting to a point of mutual agreement about how to ‘play’ and deal with back chat is definitely the ability to response to each others questions with a clear “Yes” and a clear “No” within this Trust can be developed, anything less than this is unacceptable.
I will make sure that I will never allow any backchat as directive principle within my reality/world again. What ever it takes! I will get it done everything on the table, exposed as the back chat diaries.

Fascinating is that apparently the more dependant one financially is bound to others the more backchat and secrets exist within such relationships. This also applies within the relationship between children and parents.
An equal money system is the solutions to such unnecessary dependencies which creates inequality and thus separation and the urge to win at all cost.

Will be continued…
Backchat as response to your ex doesn’t stop after a break up or a divorce.

2011 More on Suppression

It has been a bit rough lately.
I also start seeing something else, yesterday I was crying and I was holding myself lying in bed, the tears were flowing and I couldn’t really understand what was going on b/c I rarely cry like that these days. I was holding myself tight, lying in a fetus position with my fingers crossed to contain myself here as the physical and tears were flowing.

I couldn’t really unravel it; it was quite a cool release from suppressed emotional/feeling bodies. This morning humiliation as experience was here for me to look at while opening up through writing and writing SF I started to cry even more I couldn’t stop.

I see that what is severely suppressed is contained within emotional bodies, resonating as such. These bodies are accepted thoughts lived into being; one cannot capture the words that have been creating such entities. Yet it controls one completely. So I walk back and this word humiliation came to surface, stepped forth as experience of self, which was suppressed within wordless emotional bodies/entities or however you want to name them.

It’s really like unwrapping myself, physically actually. Because It’s within the physical were the suppression is wrapped as it, I’ve become this as the physical.

While the physical is definitely supporting me ejecting the shit that shouldn’t be in it. I already walked such ejection of shit, rubbish that shouldn’t be there and I am still diffusing it; which almost becomes a natural thing that accompanies me. It will take time to get the unwanted stuff out.

Ok cool, I actually never have been writing it out as such.

2011 Unwrapping Self-Suppression


Wrap sounds like crap – lol

Underneath anger, rage and embarrassment within me, the real experience lies dormant, which I didn’t yet allowed myself to embrace as part of me. While walking the TL of a Mind Construct a window of opportunity opens up to go to the core of the suppressed slumbering real experience of oneself that’s so tightly wrapped up as more ‘acceptable’/’suitable’ expressions such as anger and irritation.

While walking Time Lines, which is part of Mind Construct within the SRA course, one is slowing oneself down to walk through memories as the actual participant and so opening oneself up. While doing so I see an energetic ‘wall’ which is the resistance, I walk through it to be able to go to the core of the real experience of self that opens up the suppressed experience such as: Feeling less than, Feeling inferior, Feeling unequal.

Experiences such as being inferior/unequal/less than is not a good thing so I deem it as ‘bad’, and must be immediately suppressed

I start opening up more getting and becoming more comfortable with what is here as experience as me while taking this ‘in’. I experience a shock an electrical shock of waking up to the real experience of self; which is through walking the layout of the Mind Constructs within the SRA-Course showing its Real face. Simultaneously while walking through it, opening up I experience a physical relief.
I’m amazed actually in disbelief how something so simple could have lie dormant right in front of my eyes without being able to break through the boundaries of the control.

Self, in –to- me- I- see, becoming familiar with me, getting to know me! Self first!
So this is self-intimacy in actual application, allowing myself to see beyond anger, rage, irritation, to allow myself to surface the suppressed experience. To allow myself to see that I experience feelings such as: being hurt, inferior, embarrassment, feel less and so on it exist within me and its ok to see this part of me which doesn’t imply that its acceptable– lol
It’s here for realignment, a window of opportunity so I can stop the automated suppression of categorised bad experiences of myself.
When did this automated self-suppression become an habitual coping mechanism in the first place?

Ok, Cool!
It’s not that bad – lol

2011 Closing Doors


The future prospect of fucking up again and walking into the same time loop is not preferable, so time to get Real.
And thus: Stay Real! And Be Physical!

So where am I at? And what is Here for me to walk?
Finding myself again Standing face to face with the manifested consequences= Money=Self. Standing in front of this part of me where coping mechanisms patterns starts emerging; which is here once again for me to see and realize a window of opportunity to unravel the totality of the whole pattern. So I can sort it out to not allow myself to walk into unnecessary time loops/experiences again.

Patterns as reactions towards this point:
Sadness as in: “Oh freaking shit no, I can’t handle it” yet suppressed as resonance ‘experience’ I have become this point in its totality. So no need for thoughts to accompany the experience, that’s how one could describe the resonances, patterns that are ‘thoughtless’ yet directive as principle.
Tiredness and sleepiness are indicative of the suppressed state of this point; I actually immediately wanted to sleep as it emerged yet instead I took a bath with the girls, which was great fun-lol.

“Oh no I cant handle this” needs more introspection, it’s a point of self defeat and sabotaging the point of standing all one which also is linked to the matrix of self nurturing that I’m still walking into awareness. I will dig deeper into this write this out into specificity in what I currently see and understand.

Running away: ‘Sneaking’ off to self -created back doors. Running away from walking/ facing the real experience of self, which is suppressed as the accepted habitual nature, tempting and automated to run away again from the real experience specifically related to this point. I see thoughts as back chat coming up yet very slight, it emerges to run off to someone, anything ‘better’ than facing this point head on.
Point of Self- intimacy, who am I as pattern?

I allow myself to remain Here, Solid within me, whole safe, Secure, Comfortable, Strong as Strength anchored in and as the physical walking every moment of and as Here as self commitment as me.

So actually cool! I can from here unravel the pattern, slow it down to root it out
Time to close Doors, simple!

2011 SF Self Suppression

  • Sf on suppressing the real experience within: I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the real, raw experience within in relation to m’s arrival back ‘home’
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear m’s return back ‘home’
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to run away from this fear /this person, from the real raw experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to run away from what I experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny the real experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the real experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to assume that I must strong and keep up face regardless of the real experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I always must stand within every experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I always have to be strong and up to the task
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny emotions of being hurt within me
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions of being hurt within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny and suppress my feelings
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress what I actually feel within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my emotions as they arise
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my tears
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my fear
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress how I experience myself in fights, arguments, backchat, cheatings, back stabbing
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the experience of myself in order to be able to survive within the system
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be strong
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define being strong as suppressing the real emotions of being hurt within.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define emotions as bad
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define feelings as bad
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to categorise emotions and feelings as bad as a no- go area and therefore suppress them within myself.