2010 Daily Writings – Standing Clear

Thursday 14 October 10


Woke up with the following: its not a self honest act of pushing the reducing of sleep to the max or in this case the minimum of 4  hrs when I’m actually not in the position to stretch it more. So I slow down and take it one step at the time until the point is standing. So being self honest about what one can do in every breath and what one is able to ‘handle’ in one breathe. So be self honest about where you stand and what you can take on and slow the fuck down and understand what is required to take on more – lol and live the required steps for being able to take it  on and whether this is at this stage an actual priority point. Just simple shit 😛

Burning eyes

I experience burning eyes and yes that’s related to giving up and believing that one is actually the perceptional experience of oneself giving into limitation.

Phone call/communicating

It was far to long and I experienced tiredness when I was speaking saying and repeating the same thing over and over again. Which was cool in essence to talk yet I was experiencing a heavyness me allowing myself to go with the energy that was clearly accessed within the communication.

So I have seen this before that when I communicate with M that I allow myself to go into  a physical reaction of the ‘high’ and living ‘through’ the structure of others. So basically that’s how I allow myself to go into it and follow such traits as they are real within the perceptional experience of oneself

So I see and understand how little actually changes b/c for significant change to manifest we must change with many for  its completion we all must change for real that’s the equality equation.  Yet it isn’t a justification for me not taking this point on and walk it while participating. So when I perceive the perceptional experience to be real I will feed the thoughts and fore mostly the energy that is generated and feed them through participating within them. Through attention! So to simple state delete and stop I don’t allow myself to go there I stabilize myself within the moment. Directing me here instead of following it through feeding it and giving the thought attention because I have seen the beginning and the end of it and the way my attention towards it will lead to.

Ok that’s clear this ‘temptation’ is presenting itself over and over again.

So this morning at school we all got started with the head louse issue again I brought it up to inform others about Z being all over with head louse. Interesting reaction people got into; interesting mind construct people/we access. So generally its perceived as me being very open about it – ok yet the point I want to communicate here is that I observed the following point:

The enegery high and rush from all, being so over the top that I cant hardly breath through it yet I see that I have been slowing down already. So I can be more of a stable point within myself which I cant yet say that I stand stable as this point as an absolute. These are the mind constructs manifestation one is participating within, the so called rods as has been explained.

And this is also permutates  my physical, I always get very tired when this happens like a immediately shut down. So shutting down, off is a signal of resistance these are the points where one must Will oneself to push through to Will oneself into being.


So it’s the breath that is stabilising myself within it, just silently walking such moments as breathe. Nothing to fear nothing to loose

Its already now that I almost can ‘touch’ these mind constructs its not ‘alive’ its constructed it has become very clear to me that this is so and that its operates in this manner.

Its also nothing ‘personal’ within it or anything of substance to follow at all – I realize that I am now looking at the physical experience of the mind construct manifestation around me the moment of interlocking into them when walking into a moment. So this repeats itself every day so every day I can test observe, which is cool its my testing ground where I stand, how I stand if I stand – lol

And most of all who I am within it.

So cool, ok clear

Slowing down within the breath silently walking the moment as me. Nothing to obtain, nothing to loose breathing here allowing myself to be silent, silence as me.


When doing groceries last night someone was walking behind me he wanted to pass my back while standing in the queue in front of the cashier. So I moved to give him space.He then returned back saying I will lekker’stand next to you. I didn’t paid him much attention and didn’t turned to check this person out just said “Ok what you want”.

So when standing in the queue I placed my stuff on the band and I placed my basket on top of the stack that was already there. Apparently the basket wasn’t stacked properly and I heard Hey that’s not how it supposed to be stacked and I responded no it isn’t, is it? While doing the stacking thingy and simultaneously placing the groceries on the band. He looked at me and said well stack it properly – I was instantly reacting towards these words and his body language as well and said without giving it a second thought: “Hey calm down”

Then the air started moving so to speak it caused a lot of friction in the overcrowded supermarket and very long queue. Like everyone was holding their breathe – so when I was scanning the moment I saw that the person I said this too was kind of tall and looked quite muscular and strong – uhum lol military look and he was bald and very demanding within his presentation hence the bomber jacket and dr martens shoes. So I reconsidered thought “ok” I behave like L in the play yard when she’s screaming too big boys not really within her league! I became quite anxious meaning a lot of energy was running through my body. I am referring to the physical experience of it. I mean this man could knock me out easily and in any other situation he would have done this. I saw the aggression within his presence I felt fearful.

So I stepped back I stopped participating within it – better not take changes. I have seen the play out of these moment when one is stretching it to far so to speak it can turn out to become very ugly. Meaning that someone gets physically abusive as well. Because that’s ‘underneath’ the surface of it and it’s only a small step to act upon it.

What is fascinating is that he started sweet talking to the cashier like in “Hey baby” and so on that actually shows me that he was trying to compensate the play out of a personality suite he acted out before while his reaction towards a basket that wasn’t stacked properly instigated a whole mind construct where he participated within and I reacted upon automatically – so I was trapped within this system manifestation as well meaning how symbols resonantically are igniting BS to happen even in public places or just I must say.

The reaction I am looking at here was ignited by ‘me’ through ignoring him and not making contact with him as he was looking for ‘contact’ and when this was not met by me he started to find fault within me. And turned that initial approach of making contact with me into attacking/intimidating me.

Actually such a obvious and ‘childish’ manipulative expression “give me what I want if not I will manipulate until I have it even when this means that I am abusive disregard everyone and everything b/c I am able to do so, its my right to do so.”

In constant need of confirmation of ones existence – sigh= which is not even real

I was looking at it from the perspective of god and ego.

A super Ego- energy must go – is like a god it needs nourishment and confirmation.It requires worship and foremost attention – lol its the play out of energy in a nut shell.

So I haven’t been encountering this particular experience where I am so explicitly subject of abuse before. I never actually locked into this kind of (verbally) aggressive expression directly directed towards me- that only happened  a few times recently when I witnessed a mind possession.

Best is to not react in any way. Just stop and breathe through it there is really nothing you can do about it in this reality in space and time.

So the more clear I am standing and live this stand the more the attacks will intensify so better to stand absolute. And stop myself so give everything to me to breathe and SF and take it in instantly within the moment.

I am not willing to meet the invitation for picking a fight with beings that allow them selves to be mind possessed. Let the resonances sort it out that’s suggested by Desteni and that is obvious best.

When being confronted with this the first time I was kind of baffled and shocked I didn’t see it coming at all, now I do.  I experienced while pointing such reactive behavior out that the other is either stopping or is even getting more possessed by  its perceptual experience of self. And thus allow oneself to be abusive. Best for all to stop participating within the relationship.That’s what it takes to stand – that’s what the practical application is of this point. No more abuse I allow within my direct world

I will not stand within it, its actually impossible to stand within abusive – that’s a law of this reality one will align oneself with what the abuser is allowing within oneself.

It takes freaking guts and real action to stand as this point.

The more people do so the sooner we realize that we are All  and that we move as one and equal! So we can stop the actual insanity in this world and  that starts by not allowing abuse  within my direct world any more. I walk absolute.

Not that I don’t take responsibility for that person or the attacker in fact by not allowing it within my world and yet at the same time take the point on and walk the solution for all.

I also deleted all friends who have been approaching me on face book with a hair fettish  all comments on my pictures and so on.Really what’s the point  it holds no substance. And allowing such things I have seen is only accumulating abuse. Which I experienced already, some wacko started posting/mailing me all kinds of shit – lol

So relating this back to relationships in my world –what is serving me thus all what is holding substance and what not. Whom I invite into my world my direct world b/c I am responsible for the invite and the invitee – 😀

Relationships as in being and spending time with ‘talking heads’ can be quite straining, so a clear standing a clear stipulation in what one stand as is certainly required for walking the scripture into completion. It always boils down to this, writing is the key support point the scripture the preparation of the re-alignment.

The written word is only valid when this is lived for the betterment of all.

Scripture is the preparation ground, the basic platform of support one gives to oneself. Daily and consistently strengthen yourself through


writing, preparing through scripting the way before oneself.

Also in writings I come back to that basic platform that point of self where I reflect, bring it back to self as the stability point the pillar of support when my life or the events in my life seemingly thorns the ground beneath me. So I see that in writing I give myself the opportunity to let stability as me to step forth again. I also realize when I walk away from writing I walk away from me, and when I do not push through the resistance of getting to this clear point within writing out my day I am not pushing it to the max. I push, I will myself into being, simple. The more resistance there is the more I push and it’s indicative that I am at the exact right spot.

Resistance is a cool measurement tool and revealing clearly  the demand of the push. When tiredness or sleepiness, heaviness is really kicking in I write and breathe through it until I stand clear Here.

So within this I understand that writing must always be the priority point as who I am within this process through real labor a real action to will myself into being.

I will myself into creation.

I will do so until the point of writing is not relevant anymore-lol

I will do so until I stand absolute  here as Life thats what I commited myself to do and thats what I will into Being.

I am the directive principle of me.

thats it for now