2012 – Common Ground

Common Ground in Relationships

Sharing Common Ground, I actually always took this point for granted, when being with others, while being in a relationship. I assumed that there had to be some kind of common ground other wise we wouldn’t be friends, or in a relationship or what ever we were doing together.  So yeah one can share common ground like e.g. sex, playing, sports, hobbies,books, study, or  what ever one can have in common when being in a relationship.

Actually this assumption that what we have in common is actually ‘enough’ or ‘ok’  this misconception of reality fucked/screwed me extensively because I didn’t actually know and understand that when one in fact shares as the common ground is what we currently accept as it .

And we all know what atrocity we have manifested as such.

One will create and manifest just that within relationships what’s accepted as our current Common Ground which is the world we are living in.

It took me a while to start grasping the content of it, understanding it for real.

So actually what I always  tried to do was establishing a common ground with people – lol I always did probably all do!  Now this understanding of a common ground has changed a bit over the last years – I’m in a process of  realigning myself with whats best for all Life and I committed myself to bring about a world that’s best for all!

So if I now meet people or hang out with people from my past I see that we all accept our current stand as our shared common ground. That well basically its just that – there is no common ground that’s best for all yet and there will be no common ground unless the other person(s) all participants within the relationship commit themselves to walk into being what’s best for all in all ways in all forms and commit and dedicate their lives to it until it’s done.

I’d experienced severe difficulty with this specific point in the past and actually only recently started grasping how it actually goes down. So yeah common ground can only be established and is only real when one shares and walks the same commitment into being.

There only exist one valid commitment, to commit oneself to bring about  whats best for all.

I commit myself to be part of a group of people who are bringing about what’s best for all in all ways in all forms and all that are walking this commitment to dedicate their life’s to it as the sole purpose of living in the given time walking this earth. I commit myself while walking among those that haven’t yet realised that whats best for all is best for them until that point I express clarity whenever I see an opening, a window of opportunity to do so. I commit myself to only align myself with those that are walking which I am walking, so that in this process no one can cheat b/c all have walked and re-aligned themselves as the process as the commitment of walking into being that’s what’s best for all as the purpose of living in the time walking on this earth.

2011 Lethargy

Lethargy, the Latin meaning is ‘forgetful’ which is illustrating the construct which I participated within, allowing a moment of ‘forgetfulness’ that led to many moments which than led to a ‘stand still’ which isn’t included within I agreed on bringing into being. It seems that when I need to wait and thus be patience for points to fall through I tend to lean back a bit too much as in: “nothing can be done and I must wait for its unfolding”

It’s a bit like abandon ones activities/actions to replace it with a passive action, finding oneself in a waiting room. ‘Waiting’ for the stream, the flood of time, the current of the things to come, which are not here yet, standing in between two points.

Lacking energy as a reaction, a polarity play out of first having too much of it. Being all wind up by all the changes that are already ‘behind’ and now projecting the changes ‘ahead’ of me. The state of /feeling nothing seems to move yet. Allowing myself to go into stress and anxiety b/c of it and then the play out of passiveness. ‘Waiting too long for ones turn’ which than bends into allowing time to fuck with me.

I know that walking points through from beginning till the end is a physical action, it will only be manifested through substantial actions, until its done. I push self, until I live this realisation as me until the resistance is walked through.

The only point that is standing is me being able to direct myself within what I can do within the given moment. For now things are stable meaning there is clarity within the given situation. I can only give myself stability, and live the realization that I give to myself what I want to be in all given moments. So I push until movement as expression is here again.

Teach yourself to Give through Self Forgiveness:http://desteni.co.za/
Give All what you want and what all wants,-Money!
Equal money for All – http://equalmoney.org/

2011 More on Suppression

It has been a bit rough lately.
I also start seeing something else, yesterday I was crying and I was holding myself lying in bed, the tears were flowing and I couldn’t really understand what was going on b/c I rarely cry like that these days. I was holding myself tight, lying in a fetus position with my fingers crossed to contain myself here as the physical and tears were flowing.

I couldn’t really unravel it; it was quite a cool release from suppressed emotional/feeling bodies. This morning humiliation as experience was here for me to look at while opening up through writing and writing SF I started to cry even more I couldn’t stop.

I see that what is severely suppressed is contained within emotional bodies, resonating as such. These bodies are accepted thoughts lived into being; one cannot capture the words that have been creating such entities. Yet it controls one completely. So I walk back and this word humiliation came to surface, stepped forth as experience of self, which was suppressed within wordless emotional bodies/entities or however you want to name them.

It’s really like unwrapping myself, physically actually. Because It’s within the physical were the suppression is wrapped as it, I’ve become this as the physical.

While the physical is definitely supporting me ejecting the shit that shouldn’t be in it. I already walked such ejection of shit, rubbish that shouldn’t be there and I am still diffusing it; which almost becomes a natural thing that accompanies me. It will take time to get the unwanted stuff out.

Ok cool, I actually never have been writing it out as such.

2011 Unwrapping Self-Suppression


Wrap sounds like crap – lol

Underneath anger, rage and embarrassment within me, the real experience lies dormant, which I didn’t yet allowed myself to embrace as part of me. While walking the TL of a Mind Construct a window of opportunity opens up to go to the core of the suppressed slumbering real experience of oneself that’s so tightly wrapped up as more ‘acceptable’/’suitable’ expressions such as anger and irritation.

While walking Time Lines, which is part of Mind Construct within the SRA course, one is slowing oneself down to walk through memories as the actual participant and so opening oneself up. While doing so I see an energetic ‘wall’ which is the resistance, I walk through it to be able to go to the core of the real experience of self that opens up the suppressed experience such as: Feeling less than, Feeling inferior, Feeling unequal.

Experiences such as being inferior/unequal/less than is not a good thing so I deem it as ‘bad’, and must be immediately suppressed

I start opening up more getting and becoming more comfortable with what is here as experience as me while taking this ‘in’. I experience a shock an electrical shock of waking up to the real experience of self; which is through walking the layout of the Mind Constructs within the SRA-Course showing its Real face. Simultaneously while walking through it, opening up I experience a physical relief.
I’m amazed actually in disbelief how something so simple could have lie dormant right in front of my eyes without being able to break through the boundaries of the control.

Self, in –to- me- I- see, becoming familiar with me, getting to know me! Self first!
So this is self-intimacy in actual application, allowing myself to see beyond anger, rage, irritation, to allow myself to surface the suppressed experience. To allow myself to see that I experience feelings such as: being hurt, inferior, embarrassment, feel less and so on it exist within me and its ok to see this part of me which doesn’t imply that its acceptable– lol
It’s here for realignment, a window of opportunity so I can stop the automated suppression of categorised bad experiences of myself.
When did this automated self-suppression become an habitual coping mechanism in the first place?

Ok, Cool!
It’s not that bad – lol

2011 SF Self Suppression

  • Sf on suppressing the real experience within: I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the real, raw experience within in relation to m’s arrival back ‘home’
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear m’s return back ‘home’
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to run away from this fear /this person, from the real raw experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to run away from what I experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny the real experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the real experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to assume that I must strong and keep up face regardless of the real experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I always must stand within every experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I always have to be strong and up to the task
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny emotions of being hurt within me
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions of being hurt within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny and suppress my feelings
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress what I actually feel within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my emotions as they arise
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my tears
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my fear
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress how I experience myself in fights, arguments, backchat, cheatings, back stabbing
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the experience of myself in order to be able to survive within the system
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be strong
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define being strong as suppressing the real emotions of being hurt within.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define emotions as bad
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define feelings as bad
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to categorise emotions and feelings as bad as a no- go area and therefore suppress them within myself.

2011 Back Chat within Creates without

I started a back-chat diary

w o w

That’s in fact revealing and dirty to say the least, all that severely hurts me within others behavior which always led to self compromise because I couldn’t  ‘stand’ within it exist within me as well.

So I bring it all back to self Here after I got possessed by anger towards a person. Took me a day to get this starting point straight again, sometimes I still try to convince if maybe, possibly, someone else is to blame for my experience – lol  – can’t do. This anger outburst of mine I can see  clearly now created through firstly fear towards seeing this person agin and while seeing this person again while talking together it became anger fed by allowed back chat which I can see is part of a suppressed unresolved part of me, not yet faced shit. I see clearly that I wasn’t directing me immediately in the moment when the fear was here within me  and I actually allowed to become petrified and that led to anger. My mis take.

The back chat that’s the most revealing is the one that is instantaneously simultaneously manifested while observing/participating within my world/reality . I can clearly see that it always accompanies a feeling, holds information.

Those, the immediate back-chats are the ones that are holding hidden self definitions, those I want to hold on to. The automation of the back-chat is indicative of these personality traits through simply observing/hearing the back chats while participating within my world/reality.

Kind of ugly shit – especially knowing that all exist within such ugly shit! If the back-chat would be revealed in one moment when talking to each other we would through the nastiness of it go insane or be in severe trouble by the ugliness of it.Probably we would smack each others heads. Back-chat the outflow of the principle of destruction to keep one firmly seated within ones Ego. This destruction is what we are living into being, the manifested consequence which is this world/ this reality.

Ok, so I got slightly depressed and severely shocked by the existence of the ugliness within me, the pile of ugliness is endless there seems to be always more, which is nothing else than waking up to the extend of the fuckedness of ones existence, alright, so I can’t stay within such allowed state for too long.

I’ve been creating the ugliness myself, Ok, so I push myself so I can stop myself and learn from the soft voices in my head; which is rather loud in its demands for winning and its call for destruction.Everyone’s backchat is as ugly as mine its real nasty shit. I will investigate my back chat, time to get the nasty shit out.

Back chat diaries the real secret within