2011 Equality as Life Style!


I start over again!
So the decision is made I’ll move out of the house and probably leave the city as well and thus its lifestyle that has been m’I’ne for such a long period of time and by this I’m saying farewell to something a ‘style’ of living that doesn’t serves me anymore.
The structural design within I’m living here in the city is part of or even more accurate is ‘me’ in the old ways. It opened up within me that I simply could let go of this so called Lifestyle I created and constructed here. I’m not this person anymore, that persona as this very construct has died. I have lived this constructed manifested life fully into completion. I actually walked the whole matrix of aDullt life into completion by:
Getting into a relationship/marriage- getting kids- buying a house, the ‘Works’.
Married with children living the ‘perfect’ city lifestyle everything in place everything I placed so carefully for us all after “I lived it all and did it all” fase and before I started walking this ‘I’ process of self-honesty.

It was kind of straining to keep all those persona’s within the structure in place and it’s a full-time job, a commitment for life and I’m done doing so. Actually already some time ago yet I’m still living within the structural design of something; which is of the past, it has become quite useless in fact.

It served its purpose yet it doesn’t hold that purpose anymore. It’s quite fascinating to see how I’ve been meticulously designing myself into and as this ‘persona’ living in the city. From ‘Sex in the City’ to married with children. It freaking takes dedication and effort to establish/ manifest it into being. Sometimes I’m still amazed in awe/respect of others manifestation of how they established their thingy into being not yet realizing in full awareness that I did (all do) the exact same thing. We bring exactly that into manifestation what we intended to do, each single meticulous detail of it.

So from here having a ‘fresh’ look at what we’re establishing within this process of walking into a world that will bring equality for all by establishing an equal money system is of the same meticulous precise detailed placement of oneself within the greater to have eventually an impact, preparing the way before us. If one look at what one is able to create by looking back at one’s life and how this ability to create can be a force of real change when the alignment is adjusted with serving all! We can actually do it and will do so!

Yet now I break up again starting all over again. This time it will be the first time from the starting point of de-engineering myself realigning myself with what is best for all. Its kind of surreal! Can one really do so? Yes one can!

Equality as Life Style all included is my new devise!

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2011 Unwrapping Self-Suppression


Wrap sounds like crap – lol

Underneath anger, rage and embarrassment within me, the real experience lies dormant, which I didn’t yet allowed myself to embrace as part of me. While walking the TL of a Mind Construct a window of opportunity opens up to go to the core of the suppressed slumbering real experience of oneself that’s so tightly wrapped up as more ‘acceptable’/’suitable’ expressions such as anger and irritation.

While walking Time Lines, which is part of Mind Construct within the SRA course, one is slowing oneself down to walk through memories as the actual participant and so opening oneself up. While doing so I see an energetic ‘wall’ which is the resistance, I walk through it to be able to go to the core of the real experience of self that opens up the suppressed experience such as: Feeling less than, Feeling inferior, Feeling unequal.

Experiences such as being inferior/unequal/less than is not a good thing so I deem it as ‘bad’, and must be immediately suppressed

I start opening up more getting and becoming more comfortable with what is here as experience as me while taking this ‘in’. I experience a shock an electrical shock of waking up to the real experience of self; which is through walking the layout of the Mind Constructs within the SRA-Course showing its Real face. Simultaneously while walking through it, opening up I experience a physical relief.
I’m amazed actually in disbelief how something so simple could have lie dormant right in front of my eyes without being able to break through the boundaries of the control.

Self, in –to- me- I- see, becoming familiar with me, getting to know me! Self first!
So this is self-intimacy in actual application, allowing myself to see beyond anger, rage, irritation, to allow myself to surface the suppressed experience. To allow myself to see that I experience feelings such as: being hurt, inferior, embarrassment, feel less and so on it exist within me and its ok to see this part of me which doesn’t imply that its acceptable– lol
It’s here for realignment, a window of opportunity so I can stop the automated suppression of categorised bad experiences of myself.
When did this automated self-suppression become an habitual coping mechanism in the first place?

Ok, Cool!
It’s not that bad – lol

2011 Closing Doors


The future prospect of fucking up again and walking into the same time loop is not preferable, so time to get Real.
And thus: Stay Real! And Be Physical!

So where am I at? And what is Here for me to walk?
Finding myself again Standing face to face with the manifested consequences= Money=Self. Standing in front of this part of me where coping mechanisms patterns starts emerging; which is here once again for me to see and realize a window of opportunity to unravel the totality of the whole pattern. So I can sort it out to not allow myself to walk into unnecessary time loops/experiences again.

Patterns as reactions towards this point:
Sadness as in: “Oh freaking shit no, I can’t handle it” yet suppressed as resonance ‘experience’ I have become this point in its totality. So no need for thoughts to accompany the experience, that’s how one could describe the resonances, patterns that are ‘thoughtless’ yet directive as principle.
Tiredness and sleepiness are indicative of the suppressed state of this point; I actually immediately wanted to sleep as it emerged yet instead I took a bath with the girls, which was great fun-lol.

“Oh no I cant handle this” needs more introspection, it’s a point of self defeat and sabotaging the point of standing all one which also is linked to the matrix of self nurturing that I’m still walking into awareness. I will dig deeper into this write this out into specificity in what I currently see and understand.

Running away: ‘Sneaking’ off to self -created back doors. Running away from walking/ facing the real experience of self, which is suppressed as the accepted habitual nature, tempting and automated to run away again from the real experience specifically related to this point. I see thoughts as back chat coming up yet very slight, it emerges to run off to someone, anything ‘better’ than facing this point head on.
Point of Self- intimacy, who am I as pattern?

I allow myself to remain Here, Solid within me, whole safe, Secure, Comfortable, Strong as Strength anchored in and as the physical walking every moment of and as Here as self commitment as me.

So actually cool! I can from here unravel the pattern, slow it down to root it out
Time to close Doors, simple!

2011 SF Self Suppression

  • Sf on suppressing the real experience within: I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the real, raw experience within in relation to m’s arrival back ‘home’
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear m’s return back ‘home’
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to run away from this fear /this person, from the real raw experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to run away from what I experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny the real experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the real experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to assume that I must strong and keep up face regardless of the real experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I always must stand within every experience within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I always have to be strong and up to the task
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny emotions of being hurt within me
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions of being hurt within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny and suppress my feelings
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress what I actually feel within
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my emotions as they arise
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my tears
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my fear
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress how I experience myself in fights, arguments, backchat, cheatings, back stabbing
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the experience of myself in order to be able to survive within the system
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be strong
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define being strong as suppressing the real emotions of being hurt within.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define emotions as bad
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define feelings as bad
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to categorise emotions and feelings as bad as a no- go area and therefore suppress them within myself.

2011 Mothers Children and Health Care

DID YOU KNOW?

In our world today nearly 11 million children under the age of 5 die in the world every year – well over 1,200 every hour most from easily preventable or treatable causes.

Fucked up and totally unnecessary.

When one of my kids is in pain, injured or ill, I’ll try to make them better, see a doctor, get a perspective so that the kids are able to get the required treatment and its done. I would get extensively stressed when I’m not able to solve it.

All mothers want to do exactly what I am doing, getting help for their children. Millions of mothers are not within that position. Just a simple act of care which is denied to millions of mothers and thus to their children. Medical care is a Basic Human Right, every one should have access to Free Health Care. It shouldn’t be something you have to earn or to fight for, no, it must be Given simply because we’re in this world.

Equal money will root out such allowed atrocities- in the name off free market and capitalism -to exist

2011 Automated Existence

I had to call the infant welfare centre for the exact details about the vaccination Zina got when she was a bit younger, I needed to double-check it to exclude a certain illness before I consulted a doctor.

I dialed the number and now I entered the telephone operation, which is completely automated you can only choose out of the given possibilities, press 1 or press 2 and so on.

I wasn’t really paying attention I missed my “press moment” so the whole sequence started again from the beginning.

Finally I got the procedure ‘right’ meaning I now successfully followed the pattern of the program yet this took me probably more than 15 min. before I actually got to speak with a person. Sigh.

Now another procedure started yet with a human being, and again I wasn’t really paying attention, not here in the moment breathing I allowed myself to drift off in an habitual response, the automated me.

I used to really despise this automated telephone operation systems to exist within the first place. I always struggled/fought with this kind of automated systems. This I expressed in being extremely uncooperative when it came down to these kind of phone calls as little small acts of ‘rebellion’ towards the system yet it isn’t rebellion in fact. It actually expresses complete lack of understanding of the system and how its operates. I Constricted myself within an idea of a small act of ‘rebellion’ against it when in fact I was operating within the system  perfectly! I wasn’t even aware that I was ‘rebelling’ against my own image and likeness.

This brings me to the following question: Where do you ‘rebel’ against?