2011 BackChat – Divorce and Break Ups

Today I actually defined in one phrase why my marriage and all relationships I’ve been involved in came to an end and how that came about. Through allowing extensive backchat to exist as part of the secret mind as a normal accepted way within a relationship, to ‘give’ each other the right of having secrets within ones mind to withdraw into.

To give some examples if you are not familiar with the term backchat within relationships/marriage. Backchat is the soft speaking voices within that are quite loud in its demands of wanting to win and destroy. It can also be an experience of self where you can’t ‘find’ words for. To give some simple examples: smiling to someone while thinking “shut up” or “I really don’t have time for this”, saying “yes” but meaning “no”, judging your partner for his/her ways,lying,being polite because you don’t want to be rude and the list goes on and on all the things we keep secret to each other, we’re ashamed about, which makes us feel embarrassed and exposed of its existence within us.

I have found within me that when there is only one single refraction that is not openly shared one knows one thing which is absolutely certain because it’s a mathematical equation and the outcome is predictable, the relationship will fall it will not stand the test of time. All will be revealed sooner or later, best if you’re walking with a being to make that sooner than later.

I have learned through an experience = the hard way which takes time, it took me years to stand within it. Best not to go there and be straight and real from the start when walking with someone.

When answers to simple question becomes reasoning and fights for ones limitations without willing to change self one knows one thing, one is fucked- the relationship will not stand, it will fall.

Indicative of any potential of getting to a point of mutual agreement about how to ‘play’ and deal with back chat is definitely the ability to response to each others questions with a clear “Yes” and a clear “No” within this Trust can be developed, anything less than this is unacceptable.
I will make sure that I will never allow any backchat as directive principle within my reality/world again. What ever it takes! I will get it done everything on the table, exposed as the back chat diaries.

Fascinating is that apparently the more dependant one financially is bound to others the more backchat and secrets exist within such relationships. This also applies within the relationship between children and parents.
An equal money system is the solutions to such unnecessary dependencies which creates inequality and thus separation and the urge to win at all cost.

Will be continued…
Backchat as response to your ex doesn’t stop after a break up or a divorce.


2010 Structural living of the word Justice II

So Ok

Another dimension opened up- while looking at the point justice and how I live this point as me.

When looking back – Yesterday at Z’s party a kid peed its pants. So I was comforting him saying that we all have sometimes an accident with peeing and so on. He was quite satisfied with the words, until another girl started to make comments that he peed his pants. I can see now in retrospective that I was entering the point of ‘Justice’ where I make sure that everyone in my world in my reality is treated ‘Fair’ in relation to ‘Unfair’. So a polarity construct where I ‘m not aware of and also haven’t find  ‘fault’ within its participation. Its automated as me I do not direct it, this point is directing me as a puppet on a string.

So not finding anything ‘wrong’ with me participating within it.It wasn’t even a question within my reality at least not from the perspective of its starting point nor the necessity of its alignment, the resonances has been pointing this system design out to me. ‘Justice’ from the perspective of ‘Fairness’ to remain ‘Sane’ and in ‘Control’. Ok! I can very well relate to this and also see and observed the play out of this system manifestation in action. I was aware of this construct existent within me yet I never questioned the origin point of it nor its re-alignment. I actually always got stuck in the question why I experienced this and not how I ended up in this version, and where, when etc..Its all about being able to ask the right questions.  Ok so,..

I also perceived being ‘Fair’ as a  high valued personality asset/highly appreciated personalty feature- uhum yeah.

Hmm questionable actually b/c when I look at it now, its starting point stems from consciousness of structure. so the accumulating effect of it serves the structure of consciousness.



justice |ˈjəstis|


1 just behavior or treatment : a concern for justice, peace, and genuine respect for people.

• the quality of being fair and reasonable : the justice of his case.

• the administration of the law or authority in maintaining this : a tragic miscarriage of justice.

• ( Justice) the personification of justice, usually a blindfolded woman holding scales and a sword.

2 a judge or magistrate, in particular a judge of the supreme court of a country or state.


bring someone to justice arrest someone for a crime and ensure that they are tried in court.

do oneself justice perform as well as one is able to.

do someone/something justice (or do justice to someone/something) do, treat, or represent with due fairness or appreciation : the brief menu does not do justice to the food.

in justice to out of fairness to : I say this in justice to both of you.

rough justice see rough .


justiceship |-ˌ sh ip| noun ( in sense 2).

ORIGIN late Old English iustise [administration of the law,] via Old French from Latin justitia, from justus (see just ).

Ok, I see this standing out:

From Latin ‘iustise’ administration of the law – ok justice is living by law by the written word – I also see how I exchanged equality the principle for the laws of consciousness by integrating into my reality/this world.

The symbol of justice is also a cool allegory a blindfolded woman holding scales, being blind for the polarity construct one is so mistakable holding as ‘justice’ and ‘fairness’. B/c the only thing that is ‘just’- which means ‘law’ or ‘right’- is what is within the equality equation.

So fascinating enough I always lived the words ‘Justice’& ‘Fairness’ measured through the laws within the structure of consciousness. And within this I made sure that everything and everyone was always treated ‘Fair’ and thus within the system manifestation of it. ‘Justifiable’ through reason from the starting point that every thing/point within my world had to be ‘fair’. So situations/ people within my world were always measured by these standards and I started doing this already from a very early age. Probably to gain and give me a fake pillar of support within the structure to hold on to as the last point that could give me  some sanity/fairness within my world. Yeah, other wise I would have lost my sanity or to be more specific I was afraid of loosing my sanity within my world by loosing control of my world and its structure- lol

Sanity originates from Latin – so that means health as well. So this construct which I lived ‘Sanity’ through was preventing me from loosing control thus from going insane.

Sanity – insanity

Memory: I remember being a child going into absolute anger and the experience of unfairness when people didn’t what they said they would do. My sister canceled her promise/ appointment with me and I went into such anger and such agony/rage and experienced ‘Unfairness’ in my bones. The sense of being powerless to such things b/c spoken words seemingly wasn’t law. And probably I already started to design myself into this specific set of words and living through them already ‘working’ on and designing my sense of ‘Sanity’ and thus ‘Control’ to keep a sense of ‘stability’ within the structure.  So to make sure I never experienced such within myself ever again to never feel Injustice again towards me and to make sure that no one would ever treat me unfair! From now on I would measure everything within my world through the law of ‘Justice’, to give me a sense of ‘Sanity’ in a insane world.

I also see that I couldn’t place this ‘Unfairness’ within my world at all – it was to ‘big’ to handle and none  could explain this construct to me or why people break a promise so basically why people in this world are not living the words they speak.

This to ‘big to handle’ has actually prevented me from looking right through the deception as well getting more clarity b/c I designed myself as such that I would never dare to question this design/construct other wise I would ‘loose’ my ‘sanity’ and thus my fake sense of ‘control’ within the structure- so basically I would loose myself within it.

And that actually happened when I started to study the material my ground was moving underneath me, yeah! B/c I actually saw/realised that my sense of ‘Justice’ wasn’t a real one – yet a fake one a make belief one, a structured one which didn’t entailed any substance anything real to it. It has shaken me quite a bit quite simulair as when I was working  specific customized excercise by the resonances. Holding food while preparing diner and how I ‘saw’ what fake life actually is all about. I experienced the expression of the food here as me. It was actually only after the resonances cross-reference chat and them pointing out to me that I must have been surprised how that excercise went I only then started seeing it-lol. And now when I’m writing about it I actually become aware that I didn’t get to a point of clarity nor did I have been writing about it that much b/c at that time about 2 months ago, my personal scenery did  changed so much that I wasn’t at a stable point to write that much and also wasnt really paying attention, not really slowing down- lol

So walking this point and expanding on it, how everything is structured as consciousness. And at the same time exploring this point through writing more as well.

So back to the words ‘Justice’-/’Fairness’-/ ‘Sanity’

So that’s it?

Nope seriously this point I have become completely and utterly without even knowing what the fuck I am participating within. So what I have stated and observed before is that within everything I participate within/observe/see I measure on the scales of ‘Justice’ so that’s what I automated to do. Why? B/c that’s how I programmed myself so I need to de-engineer it again.

Its playing out within my relationships actually with everything and all in this world, my reality. So I am always balancing this out. Always looking for that perfect spot to make sure everything is how I want it to be within this mind manifestation construct to remain in control of my world. Ok so an other dimension opened up as well namely the point of my allocation- point within the system related to my adoption.

While seeing the correlation  I got pissed off and I had tears in my eyes of release and anger.

So what did I see? So how does this equate to each other? I mean I saw that those two points are intertwined  through the unfairness of the ‘situation’- the adoption story= the information I was holding as such. This story always instigated a sense of ‘Justice’ in people, as in “The world shouldn’t be like this”. Yet there is a certain ‘Fairness’ within our system and this ‘fairness’ is the ‘saving’ grace of humanity because see fairness exist within the hearts of men, we are inherent good. Adoption exist so that is the ‘Fairness’ of the system. Balancing out the equation of the law of consciousness. You loose some you win some but justice will always win and fair play will always prevail- such fools we are.

Bringing all of the point Here, so  ‘Justice’ within the system. We have laws the written word we can now be treated and treat each other  fair and been hold accountable for one actions when e.g. injustice has done to each other. We can turn to the written words, the written laws of this world. Now there are always certain situation that are seen as ‘unfair’ and inequitable. Children and especially abandonded children is a sensitive entry/trigger point for the hearts of men it will ignite the construct manifestation design of ‘Justice/injustice  and – fair/unfair .The  Laws of the ‘heart’ of men the so called good inherent nature of men kind will reign. One will pay off ones guilt through participating in the construct of ‘Fairness’ it will  prevail above the Equality Equation . Fairness and Justice are men made to cover up the real situation at hand, why even create and ‘live’ through these words that are Empty shelves to hide behind words. Information constructed to deliberately blindfold ourselves of the truth? To make sure we will not Empower the child that is dying and in need of care, nor Empower our neighbour for the betterment of All. No preference will prevail ‘Justice’ and ‘Fairness’ will prevail instead of empowering everyone equally! No more this will end as we are creating a new world re-aligning our  starting point in the best interest of All that will empower the social weak and fore most the children that will come to this world.

So, probably that’s how I stand/stood  as, my allocation point within the grid.  ‘Justice’/ ‘Injustice’ -/ ‘Fair’/’Unfair’ looping in and as the polarity play out of this point. Already through and as the placement of me within the system by ‘even’ thinking of the adoption by telling the story about it, always feeding the construct- the structural design of it. By living through the definitions of ‘Fairness’ and ‘Justice’ feeding it and making sure that I remained and everyone else within it.I engineered the structural point as  the physical without any understanding, awareness of it existence in any way nor its purpose.

So re-alignment is required.

Fascinating really!

More on this later