Today I actually defined in one phrase why my marriage and all relationships I’ve been involved in came to an end and how that came about. Through allowing extensive backchat to exist as part of the secret mind as a normal accepted way within a relationship, to ‘give’ each other the right of having secrets within ones mind to withdraw into.
To give some examples if you are not familiar with the term backchat within relationships/marriage. Backchat is the soft speaking voices within that are quite loud in its demands of wanting to win and destroy. It can also be an experience of self where you can’t ‘find’ words for. To give some simple examples: smiling to someone while thinking “shut up” or “I really don’t have time for this”, saying “yes” but meaning “no”, judging your partner for his/her ways,lying,being polite because you don’t want to be rude and the list goes on and on all the things we keep secret to each other, we’re ashamed about, which makes us feel embarrassed and exposed of its existence within us.
I have found within me that when there is only one single refraction that is not openly shared one knows one thing which is absolutely certain because it’s a mathematical equation and the outcome is predictable, the relationship will fall it will not stand the test of time. All will be revealed sooner or later, best if you’re walking with a being to make that sooner than later.
I have learned through an experience = the hard way which takes time, it took me years to stand within it. Best not to go there and be straight and real from the start when walking with someone.
When answers to simple question becomes reasoning and fights for ones limitations without willing to change self one knows one thing, one is fucked- the relationship will not stand, it will fall.
Indicative of any potential of getting to a point of mutual agreement about how to ‘play’ and deal with back chat is definitely the ability to response to each others questions with a clear “Yes” and a clear “No” within this Trust can be developed, anything less than this is unacceptable.
I will make sure that I will never allow any backchat as directive principle within my reality/world again. What ever it takes! I will get it done everything on the table, exposed as the back chat diaries.
Fascinating is that apparently the more dependant one financially is bound to others the more backchat and secrets exist within such relationships. This also applies within the relationship between children and parents.
An equal money system is the solutions to such unnecessary dependencies which creates inequality and thus separation and the urge to win at all cost.
Will be continued…
Backchat as response to your ex doesn’t stop after a break up or a divorce.