2012 – Common Ground

Common Ground in Relationships

Sharing Common Ground, I actually always took this point for granted, when being with others, while being in a relationship. I assumed that there had to be some kind of common ground other wise we wouldn’t be friends, or in a relationship or what ever we were doing together.  So yeah one can share common ground like e.g. sex, playing, sports, hobbies,books, study, or  what ever one can have in common when being in a relationship.

Actually this assumption that what we have in common is actually ‘enough’ or ‘ok’  this misconception of reality fucked/screwed me extensively because I didn’t actually know and understand that when one in fact shares as the common ground is what we currently accept as it .

And we all know what atrocity we have manifested as such.

One will create and manifest just that within relationships what’s accepted as our current Common Ground which is the world we are living in.

It took me a while to start grasping the content of it, understanding it for real.

So actually what I always  tried to do was establishing a common ground with people – lol I always did probably all do!  Now this understanding of a common ground has changed a bit over the last years – I’m in a process of  realigning myself with whats best for all Life and I committed myself to bring about a world that’s best for all!

So if I now meet people or hang out with people from my past I see that we all accept our current stand as our shared common ground. That well basically its just that – there is no common ground that’s best for all yet and there will be no common ground unless the other person(s) all participants within the relationship commit themselves to walk into being what’s best for all in all ways in all forms and commit and dedicate their lives to it until it’s done.

I’d experienced severe difficulty with this specific point in the past and actually only recently started grasping how it actually goes down. So yeah common ground can only be established and is only real when one shares and walks the same commitment into being.

There only exist one valid commitment, to commit oneself to bring about  whats best for all.

I commit myself to be part of a group of people who are bringing about what’s best for all in all ways in all forms and all that are walking this commitment to dedicate their life’s to it as the sole purpose of living in the given time walking this earth. I commit myself while walking among those that haven’t yet realised that whats best for all is best for them until that point I express clarity whenever I see an opening, a window of opportunity to do so. I commit myself to only align myself with those that are walking which I am walking, so that in this process no one can cheat b/c all have walked and re-aligned themselves as the process as the commitment of walking into being that’s what’s best for all as the purpose of living in the time walking on this earth.


2011 Introducing myself- my story Finding Desteni, the journey to Self

When I stumbled upon my first video at Desteni back in dec. 2007 I couldn’t have imagine that it would actually be the beginning of the end of ‘me’.

I walked the world matrix quite extensively meaning I did my education, got a professional career, got into relationship, got a child, quit my job to be a stay at home mom. The journey, which led me to this life and this version of me, is the actual process I am walking, to study and investigate my accepted and allowed reality within the Desteni ‘I’ process.

I’ve been raised as a Christian yet my parents were not strict in practising their religion. By the time I was ten or so I really saw that Nope the bible and its interpretation cannot in fact be so. From there the journey of finding ‘The Truth” of me began. The LOA has been an accepted part of my upbringing; my family were very much into self-help books and psychology. I sincerely believed that it was my actual plight to live the fullest potential of me and become the best of me within the context of what I accepted as “getting the best out of me” in this life. I was a seeker and collector of experiences I wanted to experience it all one of my mantra’s was: “I only live once so I must make the best out of it here and now” Little did I know then, that yes this is so yet what one will bring into creation all depends on ones starting-point-lol

Whether it was Yoga, mediation, psychic reading’s, drugs, alcohol, clubbing, travelling etc.. I wanted to experience it all and from a matrix perspective yes so to speak, I did it all. By the time I settled down to be a mom, I stumbled upon the living application of what’s best for all, – Destonians and Practivism.

Initially by reading and watching the material what was standing out for me were the words used and the clarity within the sentences, how the message was scripted. I never heard such clear structured yet living real langue before. Which was remarkable because we all use words, so to be able to use words in such a way that all seems ‘new’ creating a platform to look at this world/reality from a complete different perspective, was mind-blowing and a call for more!

The message of oneness and equality wasn’t hard to grasp – it resonated within me as the absolute truth, which wasn’t debatable.

I was actually seeking for the truth/life we all do other wise we would be content with our current truth which is our life, each individual life is each individual truth. So when one is seeking one is living the confirmation that one’s life is a lie, common sense.

I immediately started waking with, initially through writing because in writing one gives self the opportunity to pull all hidden information about oneself which is inside to the surface, outside. Writing is an amazing tool to self.

It wasn’t an ‘easy’ or ‘funny’ or a tralalala experience I must say it took me a while to stabilise within integrating the tools of Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty, 4 count Breathing, Self-Corrective Application into my day-to-day living. Through being consistent in writing and applying the tools on a day-to-day basis I created a platform from where I could walk. This obvious takes time, we’ve been creating ourselves meticulously into specificity and detailed as our accepted expression over a period of time, so walking backwards in space-time in order to walk into corrective application to bring about what’s best for all, will take time and consistent self-willed application.

The forums and the blogs by fellow Destonians have been of invaluable support, I haven’t encountered such a place before where people in self-Honesty are sharing themselves, which takes a lot of courage, discipline and will power, I know from my own experiences what it takes to walk with. My visits to the farm with and without the children have given me a glimpse of what it means/will be like to manifest Heaven on Earth. while being at the Desteni Farm one can experience for a moment to live one and equal to truly support and assist each other as a group. To give All what one wants for themselves, security, safety, comfort which is currently only established and given through money, equal money will end the atrocity so we’ll create a platform from where we will value life as it should have been from the very start.

Initially I wasn’t really walking this process for myself I ‘saw’ my children and the ones yet to come I just had to act on the information and knowledge presented to me.I had to at least give me- and thus my children-an equal opportunity to see for myself what I have become and who I am within what I do.By walking with, I got to a clear and substantial understanding that what I live one and equal as expression will be manifested and the living example for all and for my children, simple!

Being a parent opens up the window of Possibilities and Grace. While interacting with Children one is forced to practically walk instantly, immediately within the moment here – lol No room for introspection, just do it!

While participating with my children, falling and standing up again became a daily living practical action!

In fact the children and the factual relationship with them have been and still is a Real wake up call, a Reality check. Reality as physical substantial manifestation isn’t up to ideas, beliefs, conditions etc..it has completely different laws. Its Direct, Here, Immediately within every moment. It’s useless to be or want to be more than the physical it has been the downfall of man, so time to stand up and walk equality for all as the change we will bring about as the real parents of this world, lets get this done!

So give yourself a reality check and walk with,- if you have the couRage!

Thank you,

Image Frida Kahlo:Wat I saw in the Water

2011 BackChat – Divorce and Break Ups

Today I actually defined in one phrase why my marriage and all relationships I’ve been involved in came to an end and how that came about. Through allowing extensive backchat to exist as part of the secret mind as a normal accepted way within a relationship, to ‘give’ each other the right of having secrets within ones mind to withdraw into.

To give some examples if you are not familiar with the term backchat within relationships/marriage. Backchat is the soft speaking voices within that are quite loud in its demands of wanting to win and destroy. It can also be an experience of self where you can’t ‘find’ words for. To give some simple examples: smiling to someone while thinking “shut up” or “I really don’t have time for this”, saying “yes” but meaning “no”, judging your partner for his/her ways,lying,being polite because you don’t want to be rude and the list goes on and on all the things we keep secret to each other, we’re ashamed about, which makes us feel embarrassed and exposed of its existence within us.

I have found within me that when there is only one single refraction that is not openly shared one knows one thing which is absolutely certain because it’s a mathematical equation and the outcome is predictable, the relationship will fall it will not stand the test of time. All will be revealed sooner or later, best if you’re walking with a being to make that sooner than later.

I have learned through an experience = the hard way which takes time, it took me years to stand within it. Best not to go there and be straight and real from the start when walking with someone.

When answers to simple question becomes reasoning and fights for ones limitations without willing to change self one knows one thing, one is fucked- the relationship will not stand, it will fall.

Indicative of any potential of getting to a point of mutual agreement about how to ‘play’ and deal with back chat is definitely the ability to response to each others questions with a clear “Yes” and a clear “No” within this Trust can be developed, anything less than this is unacceptable.
I will make sure that I will never allow any backchat as directive principle within my reality/world again. What ever it takes! I will get it done everything on the table, exposed as the back chat diaries.

Fascinating is that apparently the more dependant one financially is bound to others the more backchat and secrets exist within such relationships. This also applies within the relationship between children and parents.
An equal money system is the solutions to such unnecessary dependencies which creates inequality and thus separation and the urge to win at all cost.

Will be continued…
Backchat as response to your ex doesn’t stop after a break up or a divorce.

2011 Equality as Life Style!

I start over again!
So the decision is made I’ll move out of the house and probably leave the city as well and thus its lifestyle that has been m’I’ne for such a long period of time and by this I’m saying farewell to something a ‘style’ of living that doesn’t serves me anymore.
The structural design within I’m living here in the city is part of or even more accurate is ‘me’ in the old ways. It opened up within me that I simply could let go of this so called Lifestyle I created and constructed here. I’m not this person anymore, that persona as this very construct has died. I have lived this constructed manifested life fully into completion. I actually walked the whole matrix of aDullt life into completion by:
Getting into a relationship/marriage- getting kids- buying a house, the ‘Works’.
Married with children living the ‘perfect’ city lifestyle everything in place everything I placed so carefully for us all after “I lived it all and did it all” fase and before I started walking this ‘I’ process of self-honesty.

It was kind of straining to keep all those persona’s within the structure in place and it’s a full-time job, a commitment for life and I’m done doing so. Actually already some time ago yet I’m still living within the structural design of something; which is of the past, it has become quite useless in fact.

It served its purpose yet it doesn’t hold that purpose anymore. It’s quite fascinating to see how I’ve been meticulously designing myself into and as this ‘persona’ living in the city. From ‘Sex in the City’ to married with children. It freaking takes dedication and effort to establish/ manifest it into being. Sometimes I’m still amazed in awe/respect of others manifestation of how they established their thingy into being not yet realizing in full awareness that I did (all do) the exact same thing. We bring exactly that into manifestation what we intended to do, each single meticulous detail of it.

So from here having a ‘fresh’ look at what we’re establishing within this process of walking into a world that will bring equality for all by establishing an equal money system is of the same meticulous precise detailed placement of oneself within the greater to have eventually an impact, preparing the way before us. If one look at what one is able to create by looking back at one’s life and how this ability to create can be a force of real change when the alignment is adjusted with serving all! We can actually do it and will do so!

Yet now I break up again starting all over again. This time it will be the first time from the starting point of de-engineering myself realigning myself with what is best for all. Its kind of surreal! Can one really do so? Yes one can!

Equality as Life Style all included is my new devise!

2011 Wanting to be more than what is Real

So I can see how I have been trying the last couple of weeks to subtle manoeuvre myself to be more than the physical reality and it started to compound anger as well – so careful here because I can see how this is creating much friction and this will then be the layout of me towards the world and everything that enters my world – not cool!

Ok so the girls have been sick for the last couple of weeks. I actually never visited in such short time either a doctor or a dentist as the last couple of weeks. So being with them 24/7 is a story in itself when they’re sick it becomes quite a story-lol

I must then stop all the things I’m participating within, and reschedule everything at once. And here it started to become a bit ‘vague’ because I was juggling between: “I can do the things I must do versus  still be there for them.”

Nope! Time has proven this over and over again: – Can’t do, won’t work!

So today I said and applied: Ok! They’re sick and that’s what is here and that’s what I’m able and must direct. Its simply needs to be done! Trying to be more than what the physical reality in the moment requires is really stupidity in action. So therefore I stop and I let it go.

Ok that’s it for today

2011 Intimacy – I n t I m a c y – In- to–me–I-See

In- to- me- I- fear is more of a accurate description how I lived this definition of intimacy. Being intimate was always connected to someone else, something or someone out there, holding a promise of events to come, action to be taken. Hope of something always including someone else, always overlooking me, I as Here.


In- to- me- I- fear


How am I holding /living/expressing this word as me? So what I have found within me that I never actually allowed myself to live in-to-me-I-see as an actualised expression of me here. I didn’t yet allowed myself to act upon what I was seeing within me, acting upon the actual living real reality of me.

To see and understand myself without judgment or suppression of what I see, to look unconditionally at the rawness of real experience within, that what’s suppressed, the ‘I’ that is lived into being, that part that ‘I’ deem as bad, scary, deny that what is categorised as ‘Restricted’ area, that what is kept hidden and what is experienced as not preferable to surface.

I see that suppression is an automated response off walking in my reality/world – currently walking this into awareness and understanding so I can let go of the old.

What opened up and which I start to understand is the unresolved part of ‘me’ within relationships. I’m walking the unresolved parts of me within the rawness and realness of the suppressed REAL experience within.  I’ll start with me in relation to relationship.(This is also currently what we are walking in the ‘I’ Process within the SRA course section Mind Construct) I allow myself to spend time with me so to speak, getting to know me, myself and how I exist within the suppressed parts of me which I’ve categorized as ‘bad’.

I overlooked the initial step -of Self -Intimacy in relation to relationships completely.

Its about getting to know self first, getting familiar with ‘me’ first, what did I actually accept and allow as me within me and how does this play out, how do I act this out? Instead of running off again, instead of running to someone to live the word Intimacy as In-To-ME- I- FEAR when not directed recreating the past over and over again. Eventually Expressing itself through asking another: “Be intimate with me!” Demanding from another what I’m  not able to give to myself because I’ve never allowed myself  to Live Self Intimacy as an actualised expression of self, as a living physical giving action.

To build a real REALationship with Self first is what it takes! To get to a clear understanding of myself without holding any point back. To walk through every fear or resistance that I’m holding onto in order to prevent myself to dig deeper into me, getting to know me  the core of me, stand naked, all self judgements and all cards on the table, to enable self to go to the darkness within.

Taken from my Daily writings 02/02/11

Learn more on Mind Construct: http://www.desteniiprocess.com/

2010 Writing myself to freedom Daily writings-working with a dream

Monday 26 sept. 2010

Ok an other dream some days ago

Dream about being needy for male companionship

I arose with the feeling of being in need of a boyfriend b/c I dreamt about it.

I was in a big old house , probably it was my own house which needed a lot of renovation and deconstruction. I was walking around moving myself through rubble desperately waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. And I was devastated this experience stayed very much with me like how the fuck can I make something out of this mess without a man?

I was also carrying a child/toddler. At the moment the boyfriend arrived I saw that I didn’t actually ‘needed’ one in the first place and that I could do without.

Zina was with me as well- well the children were presence in the dream.

As I was walking around in that house I was a bit afraid as well being alone especially in relation to the house and the maintenance that needed to be done, being dependant on a an man to do the job for me. And then in the dream I already saw like ok if this is your starting point, WTF are you doing??

The minute the ‘boyfriend’ walked in I wanted the bf to be gone as well like it’s completely obsolete to be with a guy, there was irritation as well in my dream.

So wanting and desiring it and then when it’s presented itself I reject it. Ok that’s a polarity trap where one is participating within.

This mind construct also revealed it self when working with the SRA lesson-Undergarment and within the feedback from the resonances. Its the exact same construct more accurately similar yet slightly different. It’s the sequence where one is participating within before one is actually having a steady relationship. The expectation faze when one will ‘hunt’ for one and then exercise this polarity trap.

Ok I feel ‘walled’ here – I experience resistance a block/wall b/c I can’t write the point out fluently.

Ok the point is here within me. Its also one of the points that need to be re-aligned and already busy walking this specific point within the SRA/ and- resonances. I will ‘stall’ this until we get to the corrective application faze within the lessons.

So I will have a direct cross-reference and specified understanding of the point so I will be efficient within the re-alignment of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blank out when looking at this specific point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have full access to the information that is running as me within the structure of consciousness and experience a wall when looking into this specific point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand this state of blankness when looking into this specific point within myself.

Ok I see that this is something I dot want to publish in public so basically I don’t want to share this with others. So secret mind stuff so it must be a self-definition something I still hold unto to, obviously.

Fascinating is that along the way – what I start seeing and gain some insight about is that when one is clinging unto as the perceived ‘me’ ‘I’, is in essence all ‘presenting’ itself the same.One starts seeing the point/becoming aware, then start looking into the point, then a  wall of resistance is there for one to face and walk through until the alignment is completed. SRA and muscle communication are assisting with this process quite specifically and the procedures as the lessons. To speed up ones process – I actually wouldn’t have been able to walk such points without support& assistance.

So basically one can come to a point of self honesty alone yet one must have the ability to cross-reference points, the principle of “where two or more are walking in my name” applies here , other wise one can never be ‘sure’ and continues guessing and assuming about what is real.

ok will share here when more opens up