2011 More on Suppression

It has been a bit rough lately.
I also start seeing something else, yesterday I was crying and I was holding myself lying in bed, the tears were flowing and I couldn’t really understand what was going on b/c I rarely cry like that these days. I was holding myself tight, lying in a fetus position with my fingers crossed to contain myself here as the physical and tears were flowing.

I couldn’t really unravel it; it was quite a cool release from suppressed emotional/feeling bodies. This morning humiliation as experience was here for me to look at while opening up through writing and writing SF I started to cry even more I couldn’t stop.

I see that what is severely suppressed is contained within emotional bodies, resonating as such. These bodies are accepted thoughts lived into being; one cannot capture the words that have been creating such entities. Yet it controls one completely. So I walk back and this word humiliation came to surface, stepped forth as experience of self, which was suppressed within wordless emotional bodies/entities or however you want to name them.

It’s really like unwrapping myself, physically actually. Because It’s within the physical were the suppression is wrapped as it, I’ve become this as the physical.

While the physical is definitely supporting me ejecting the shit that shouldn’t be in it. I already walked such ejection of shit, rubbish that shouldn’t be there and I am still diffusing it; which almost becomes a natural thing that accompanies me. It will take time to get the unwanted stuff out.

Ok cool, I actually never have been writing it out as such.

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2009 Failure and Falling and Moving on

“So I fucked up, I failed  I ‘missed’ the opportunity to transcend this specific point”
Points to ponder by B: “Do not define self by fuckups and failures”


Ok this I see is a trap as well failure as a self- definition point which contains of thoughts like: “I am a failure” ; “I always fuck up!”

Self Corrective statements:
When I fail I realize  who I am, I’m not defined through it.
When I Fuck up I allow myself to realize how I exist, I’m not defined by it.

2009 Self ForGIVEness on Self-Definition point Sadness


SF on Self-definition point Sadness

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself through and as sadness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through the experience of sadness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that when I feel sadness I belief that this is whom I really am.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that whenever I feel deep sadness I’m not able to embrace this sadness as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that I haven’t allowed myself to embrace this sadness as me unconditionally here as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that I’ve judge sadness within my self and within others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that sadness and the experience of sadness is definite as a fact, which I’m not able to push beyond.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live this sadness in fact as whom I have become

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to gave up because of sadness

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be sad because of the life I lived.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to never had the ways to stand up from this sadness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to belief that sadness is something you cant stand up from because its your nature of who you are inside.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define sadness as real.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that sadness is who I am as life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by sadness as a state of mind, my being, the law of me which dictates me to define me as who I am as life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to investigate this sadness within me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience sadness when I have clarity but not the ways to change.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience sadness when I must live “This is just the way it is, it was and will be ” instead of living the solution: embracing sadness unconditionally as me here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to embrace sadness unconditionally as me and within this walk the self forgiveness in and as the living expression of me here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be grateful for this experience of sadness as another point to be faced and to be walked and to be embraced.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to self realize how I’m living this sadness in fact and hereby abdicating and limiting myself in a self-definition point as sadness.

I see that I’m not sadness

I see that I limit myself through this self-definition point inherited by my mother.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as timelines as sadness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in time lines and dimensional shifts

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in – and relive the past

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept that I never stood up from this.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as being sad

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be sad because I perceive my biological mother as sad because of the life she has lived.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must have inherit this sadness of her its my base program, on my DNA, to end up in and as sadness as she has ended up.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I resemble her so much.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see that I suppressed this within myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept of myself that I never allowed myself to look beyond this point of sadness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that all mothers are sad in nature because of the fuck up they’re creating.

Family construct

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to always feel this sad when being a child and growing up.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to always experience myself like this when being with my parents.

I’m currently at a campground with may kids and thus families and I see children here and I see all different ages here and I see the utter a complete helplessness within children as well. And I feel like this child again I remember this feeling very well it all comes back to me this feeling of being in this world and the RAGE, FURY and ANGER and than Sadness.

Cool, its opening up to me!

And this has to stop we have to stop this cycle of abuse NO Child in this world must LIVE in the world and how it currently exist because the world is NO place for children other wise we wouldn’t grow ‘old’, that’s common sense.
In a world where we all destroy the purest expression we should stop reproducing ourselves at this stage until we’re All equal and one. Obviously I must stop and stop to end the cycle of abuse common sense dictates this.