2011 Mind Construct and Re-education

So this morning while having my daily routine with the girls I actually already actualized the decision of stopping the addiction to start my day in a particular way and the mind construct that is related to it.

We all know by now that ‘having enough’ and a decision to change what you have enough from are two different things.

So its clearly addiction, an energy addiction that isn’t serving me nor the girls or anyone else for that matter.

Interesting enough is that when I start living a decision all around me are ‘against’ this decision it’s a law within this reality. Yet I actually predicted ‘it’ to be like this – lol

So stopping participating within energy is stopping an addiction. There are many points to take on within this process- one by one. Stopping becomes then a Self Willed action. Stopping an addiction to a substance actually assist greatly within stopping engaging in mind constructs. Its in essence the same thing.

I’ve been working with mind construct for one year now and this has been a break through regards understanding, expanding and walking my process. Revolutionary I would say and everyone should work with Mind Construct as part of a re- educational program and once an One and Equal money system is in place this will be Free accessible for ALL as part of the SRA course .

The Mind Construct I’m currently re-aligning and busy walking the timeline is the Mind construct of Waking. Working with it has revealed and exposed multiple layers, automated memories that I’ve been running from my past already for years and years it’s really beyond imagination how vast the totality of the mind control is.

Really we have no clue- we are automated meat bags running on energy

So the sooner we can get our ass in gear the better so we can start with re-education All and everything about Life, existence and how the hell we ended up in this mess, within this version of ourselves. Time to get Real. Join us

Equal Life foundation- Equal money for All from birth to death – Who do you decide to be?

Learn more about Mind Constructs: ‘I’ process http://www.desteniiprocess.com/documents/Mind_Constructs_Amended.pdf

Equal money: http://equalmoney.org


2009 experience



I was standing somewhere in a house were I was watching  a lot op people in another room came walking in and out and they all knew each other, it seemed to be a family meeting. I was standing there with my kids and felt a bit lost and not knowing what to do ok that’s exactly what I experienced these last few weeks. The room was a round shape full with round shape benches. I thought why did they construct the houses and the benches like this?

I was told that they house was much bigger and I felt impressed by the size of the house. I remember that I was looking at all these other people that were greeting the new people who entered the other room.Yep I was observing that what was going on, and I would be introduced to it as well, because I was part of the meet and greet.

Perhaps this shows me the phase I just entered with my kids and how I am re-entering the ‘system’ and feel somehow overpowered by the ‘force’ of it all.

Re-entering all these experiences inside myself towards school

Yep that could be it.

M and I both had a tough time  dealing with it; it has been a milestone so far. He went through specific memories again and so did I. Both related to just being here in a different country then where we originate from we both didn’t speak Dutch and had to learn this first and adjust to being in a new country before being able to go to school.

So the experience of ‘being overwhelmed’ and the inability to ‘handle’ it has been very prominent these last weeks for the both of us.

Zina on the other hand is quit fine and doing ok. I see that she loves to learn new things such as the alphabet; she’s already able to recognize these new symbols and being very proud of it as well.

One thing she’s very clear about she told me that almost everyone in school is running around in their heads-lol

Feelings of being overpowered angered for not being able to direct myself. Feeling helpless because of walking through this with my daughter again.

I breathe through the experiences I have of myself and see what will unfold.

2009 Self Love

1 August 2009

The promise of the first day of the month as something new has started, the illusion of something ‘new’, something fresh, something pure.

Which is not something new, fresh or pure in fact!

The first days of depression here, I can say that its depression. Referring back to B words that we all have to transcend, spitefulness, depression and relationship as the tree major points one must walk.

I experience depression very prominent lately and it’s quite extensively as well. It goes up and down or it’s not an up and down but an outflow of the self realisations and it becomes more and more difficult the more I expose myself to me, the more I allow myself to be and become intimate with myself, the more shit is being revealed as the extensive programming I live in fact without even being aware of it because I live this in actuality. You can’t see what you are, I never could really understand this. But I see that this is a fact and that I live this in fact that what I have become.

You can’t see what you are in fact what and who you have become in fact I realize if you would see and self realize this in one moment you would actually die from grieve and shame.

I always had this thought about myself that I was very aware of myself but I’m not this has been proven to me through writing consistently every day. By reading back my writings from the last two months I see that I’m continiously living the same cycle over and over again. Without even being aware of it, not seeing the whole of it and how I‘ve become this in fact and living this as me the actuality of me.
How can you possibly see that what you are living every day?

And yes when reading back I became depressed once more. This depression is quite an experience.

To such an extend that I lie down in my bed and embrace me crying because really there is nothing else to do there is no place I can go to ‘ease’ my self-created misery.

Points to consider:
When embracing me there was specifically a point to look at a point that I’ve been applying much self-forgiveness on already in writing.

Embracing me in as the source of:
Self- nurturing
Self- love
Being gentle with and as self
Holding self

These are points that lock into mother matrix and how I, all are fucked by our mothers and then fuck ourselves and all others as self and keep running the program. It actually doesn’t matter what kind of live you have had, in essence the same construct.

Within my live very prominent – I was adopted when I was four years old and could actually never understand why mothers leave their children, giving them away for others to raise. My adopted mother never showed any affection towards me, never at all she didn’t wanted me in her live.

Going back to my depression I was lying in bed when I came to a point that i wasn’t even able to cry I was just numbed out.
I was holding me: As self love, As self nurturing, As self being gentle with me.

And then I experienced a release I was actually able to hold me specifically within the above points for the first time and the next day I was laughing about it as unlashing self-enjoyment.

I’m all above definitions of what I was looking for already and fighting against myself all this time, I am all these points in fact here as me. No need to fight against this, so that was cool to stand as the following: Self- nurturing, Self-love,Self -gentleness, Holding self, all of me.

I actually never could hold myself as these points because I was conditioned by looking for these definitions ‘out there’ not even being aware of All of me here already it, how could I have known? I was always looking for someone giving it to me.

I realize that writing consistently on a daily basis is the foundation of getting the shit in front of you and allow yourself to see and realize how extensively this existence is fucked and how extensively we’re ingrained in this reality we call life. Its even more fucked up and then I realized it was

Looking at it from the perspective as a mother I now have to live this in fact here in and as the physical in every moment of breath to realize this and to live this in fact as me. The little ones are the trigger points always and now I have to stand even when I fall I get myself up.

I am gentleness as me in fact

I am love as me in fact

I hold me all of me here in fact

I embrace all of me here in fact as the living expression of me

Zina is seeing it clearly even pointing it out to me. “Now you’re angry mommy”
Lou is already slamming doors when copying me and saying “angry” boos, boos.

Yep the flower of life which has been removed and how I’ve been programmed and then after you become 28 your living it as you in fact deeper a deeper into it until you die. Until you have completely and totally abdicated to the system. People do not grow old gracefully oh no it’s horrific to be with old people to see what they’ve become to see a glimpse of the ‘future’ you.

Ok! I am Here standing and I have two beings I’m responsible for I made an agreement with myself to walk with them as me and I have to stand for them as Life as me and for all the children yet to come.