2010 Writing myself to freedom Daily writings-working with a dream

Monday 26 sept. 2010

Ok an other dream some days ago

Dream about being needy for male companionship

I arose with the feeling of being in need of a boyfriend b/c I dreamt about it.

I was in a big old house , probably it was my own house which needed a lot of renovation and deconstruction. I was walking around moving myself through rubble desperately waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. And I was devastated this experience stayed very much with me like how the fuck can I make something out of this mess without a man?

I was also carrying a child/toddler. At the moment the boyfriend arrived I saw that I didn’t actually ‘needed’ one in the first place and that I could do without.

Zina was with me as well- well the children were presence in the dream.

As I was walking around in that house I was a bit afraid as well being alone especially in relation to the house and the maintenance that needed to be done, being dependant on a an man to do the job for me. And then in the dream I already saw like ok if this is your starting point, WTF are you doing??

The minute the ‘boyfriend’ walked in I wanted the bf to be gone as well like it’s completely obsolete to be with a guy, there was irritation as well in my dream.

So wanting and desiring it and then when it’s presented itself I reject it. Ok that’s a polarity trap where one is participating within.

This mind construct also revealed it self when working with the SRA lesson-Undergarment and within the feedback from the resonances. Its the exact same construct more accurately similar yet slightly different. It’s the sequence where one is participating within before one is actually having a steady relationship. The expectation faze when one will ‘hunt’ for one and then exercise this polarity trap.

Ok I feel ‘walled’ here – I experience resistance a block/wall b/c I can’t write the point out fluently.

Ok the point is here within me. Its also one of the points that need to be re-aligned and already busy walking this specific point within the SRA/ and- resonances. I will ‘stall’ this until we get to the corrective application faze within the lessons.

So I will have a direct cross-reference and specified understanding of the point so I will be efficient within the re-alignment of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blank out when looking at this specific point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have full access to the information that is running as me within the structure of consciousness and experience a wall when looking into this specific point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand this state of blankness when looking into this specific point within myself.

Ok I see that this is something I dot want to publish in public so basically I don’t want to share this with others. So secret mind stuff so it must be a self-definition something I still hold unto to, obviously.

Fascinating is that along the way – what I start seeing and gain some insight about is that when one is clinging unto as the perceived ‘me’ ‘I’, is in essence all ‘presenting’ itself the same.One starts seeing the point/becoming aware, then start looking into the point, then a  wall of resistance is there for one to face and walk through until the alignment is completed. SRA and muscle communication are assisting with this process quite specifically and the procedures as the lessons. To speed up ones process – I actually wouldn’t have been able to walk such points without support& assistance.

So basically one can come to a point of self honesty alone yet one must have the ability to cross-reference points, the principle of “where two or more are walking in my name” applies here , other wise one can never be ‘sure’ and continues guessing and assuming about what is real.

ok will share here when more opens up