Re-reading my SF lines I see that my whole experience of myself, the ‘me’ that is automated is definitely shaped through this experience of being an adoptee.
I also see that I have ingrained and infused with all self-definitions, perceptions and ideas I have and had about adoption and live now in actuality
Feelings of being lost
Feelings of not being part of the whole
Feelings of being doomed
Finding a reason a purpose why I had to go through this experience
Believing in a god out there
Believing in a big plan and so on
I don’t particularly like writing and digging into it at all, I really have to push myself to allocate and identify these self-definition points within myself related to my adoption. To address them to allocate them is self supporting self! It’s an allocation/identifying exercise for myself
I recently had this experience of myself were I was walking in town and suddenly it ‘came over me’ this feeling of being utterly lost. I see that it all stems from my adoption experience and how I shaped it into this version of myself I am currently living as ‘me’. This feeling of ‘being lost’ is not even directly related to a thought of being adopted oh no it has become an imprint I resonate it as me. ‘Activated’ throughanything a picture, a symbol, without even being able to catch the trigger point.
I specifically relate it back to being an adoptee and how my parents, my sphere of influence showed me the ability to respond to this event through the input like answers to questions about my adoption experience, by observing this world towards my adoption experience and so on and adapted and adopeted this input as me