2011 Writing Oneself to Freedom!

Writing is an amazing tool to self, through writing one gives self the opportunity to pull all ‘hidden’ information about oneself which is inside to the surface, outside.

Writing has been and is the ultimate key to self!
Why do we Destonians emphasise on writing as much as we do?
It’s already within the very act of writing, to actually sit oneself down with pen and paper/laptop already implies that one is taking oneself -even if this only for a moment -into consideration! Expressing gratefulness for self through a real physical action, writing!

By writing oneself out on a daily basis, one is giving self the opportunity to open up to the secret/private less preferable part of oneself, to become self intimate, in writing one can slow oneself down.
One can re-enter moments/events in one’s live without being ‘distracted’ by multiple facets while participating within ones reality/world, where one is most of the time automatically responding towards. Without actually realising where, when, why, what and how this response: the ability to respond to ones reality came about.

When sitting down with oneself to write, one gives self a moment to re-access automated responses within events/moments. To allow self a closer look at self, by slowing the whole moment/event down. Placing oneself as the participant in the shoes of self within the memory/moment/event/experience again and see for oneself through pulling out feelings, emotions, thoughts, how one actually has been experiencing oneself within an event/moment. And furthermore who one is, within what one actually does! All revealed through writing!

It will bring the actual, factual, real ‘raw’ lived self/participant ‘on the table’, allowing oneself a Reality Check, a Getting Real, back to Reality experience. I would say all should give oneself such a magnificent gift so join us! Write yourself to freedom. Because:

We all use words, we all know that words can “break you or make you”. So taking this knowledge into account one could state that words are the building blocks of oneself and thus of this reality, when this is so one can change self through words for the betterment of all. If one actually studies how the buildings blocks of you as words have been engineering oneself and thus this world, one can start with changing the process of de-engineering oneself for the betterment of all.

It’s actually fascinating how we’ve never taken into account; despise the knowledge, that words hold tremendous power over us, actually having us all by the balls! This information hasn’t brought us to really question words as us. We’ve all made promises that we haven’t lived and all have experienced how our beloved ones made promises and didn’t lived the spoken words into being. This is what we experiencing when being a child, parents sooner or later demonstrate through example: saying a and living b. All children know this and we’ve all have been children, so we all are aware of it yet this awareness hasn’t been part of our educational years so we didn’t had the tools to act upon it, time to act upon what we know. Educate yourself Writing and words are keys to self.

What are words actually other than building blocks utilised by the inhibitors, creators, us – of reality! Thoughts and words spoken do not immediately manifest yet words are directing situations/people towards a certain outcome.
One needs to understand how we utilise words in this world our reality, which starts of with our current truth the words each one is living. What have we actually brought into being as words as us as our current stance?

We must become living words in the best interest of all, and fascinating enough this will be done through the very thing that actually veiled us all, words! All are in need of re-education and this start of with understanding what words are! A sequence of words is a sentence and a sentence in action is living words. At Desteni we actually want to establish a world/word that’s best for all – so all words must be aligned with what’s best for al and we will Word, the Living Word into being.

By writing oneself to freedom one pulls the words – which have been creating ones reality; this world – outside oneself. From here one can have an unclouded look if these words which now have become visible through placing a mirror in front of oneself through writing – is actually within the best interest of all! Writing on a consistent basis gifts oneself with seeing ones stance! A camera can record pictures about all and everything around itself yet can never record itself. By writing oneself out, one can see what one has been recording over the years, layer for layer. Writing gives one the actual gift to re-enter the past which is lived as the recordings as words, thoughts, emotions, memories, – and bring it here through writing.

Learn more about words and one’s past as recordings that can be faced and seen through writing. Desteni ‘I’ process, writing as self-expression aligned with what’s best for All!


2011 Introducing myself- my story Finding Desteni, the journey to Self

When I stumbled upon my first video at Desteni back in dec. 2007 I couldn’t have imagine that it would actually be the beginning of the end of ‘me’.

I walked the world matrix quite extensively meaning I did my education, got a professional career, got into relationship, got a child, quit my job to be a stay at home mom. The journey, which led me to this life and this version of me, is the actual process I am walking, to study and investigate my accepted and allowed reality within the Desteni ‘I’ process.

I’ve been raised as a Christian yet my parents were not strict in practising their religion. By the time I was ten or so I really saw that Nope the bible and its interpretation cannot in fact be so. From there the journey of finding ‘The Truth” of me began. The LOA has been an accepted part of my upbringing; my family were very much into self-help books and psychology. I sincerely believed that it was my actual plight to live the fullest potential of me and become the best of me within the context of what I accepted as “getting the best out of me” in this life. I was a seeker and collector of experiences I wanted to experience it all one of my mantra’s was: “I only live once so I must make the best out of it here and now” Little did I know then, that yes this is so yet what one will bring into creation all depends on ones starting-point-lol

Whether it was Yoga, mediation, psychic reading’s, drugs, alcohol, clubbing, travelling etc.. I wanted to experience it all and from a matrix perspective yes so to speak, I did it all. By the time I settled down to be a mom, I stumbled upon the living application of what’s best for all, – Destonians and Practivism.

Initially by reading and watching the material what was standing out for me were the words used and the clarity within the sentences, how the message was scripted. I never heard such clear structured yet living real langue before. Which was remarkable because we all use words, so to be able to use words in such a way that all seems ‘new’ creating a platform to look at this world/reality from a complete different perspective, was mind-blowing and a call for more!

The message of oneness and equality wasn’t hard to grasp – it resonated within me as the absolute truth, which wasn’t debatable.

I was actually seeking for the truth/life we all do other wise we would be content with our current truth which is our life, each individual life is each individual truth. So when one is seeking one is living the confirmation that one’s life is a lie, common sense.

I immediately started waking with, initially through writing because in writing one gives self the opportunity to pull all hidden information about oneself which is inside to the surface, outside. Writing is an amazing tool to self.

It wasn’t an ‘easy’ or ‘funny’ or a tralalala experience I must say it took me a while to stabilise within integrating the tools of Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty, 4 count Breathing, Self-Corrective Application into my day-to-day living. Through being consistent in writing and applying the tools on a day-to-day basis I created a platform from where I could walk. This obvious takes time, we’ve been creating ourselves meticulously into specificity and detailed as our accepted expression over a period of time, so walking backwards in space-time in order to walk into corrective application to bring about what’s best for all, will take time and consistent self-willed application.

The forums and the blogs by fellow Destonians have been of invaluable support, I haven’t encountered such a place before where people in self-Honesty are sharing themselves, which takes a lot of courage, discipline and will power, I know from my own experiences what it takes to walk with. My visits to the farm with and without the children have given me a glimpse of what it means/will be like to manifest Heaven on Earth. while being at the Desteni Farm one can experience for a moment to live one and equal to truly support and assist each other as a group. To give All what one wants for themselves, security, safety, comfort which is currently only established and given through money, equal money will end the atrocity so we’ll create a platform from where we will value life as it should have been from the very start.

Initially I wasn’t really walking this process for myself I ‘saw’ my children and the ones yet to come I just had to act on the information and knowledge presented to me.I had to at least give me- and thus my children-an equal opportunity to see for myself what I have become and who I am within what I do.By walking with, I got to a clear and substantial understanding that what I live one and equal as expression will be manifested and the living example for all and for my children, simple!

Being a parent opens up the window of Possibilities and Grace. While interacting with Children one is forced to practically walk instantly, immediately within the moment here – lol No room for introspection, just do it!

While participating with my children, falling and standing up again became a daily living practical action!

In fact the children and the factual relationship with them have been and still is a Real wake up call, a Reality check. Reality as physical substantial manifestation isn’t up to ideas, beliefs, conditions etc..it has completely different laws. Its Direct, Here, Immediately within every moment. It’s useless to be or want to be more than the physical it has been the downfall of man, so time to stand up and walk equality for all as the change we will bring about as the real parents of this world, lets get this done!

So give yourself a reality check and walk with,- if you have the couRage!

Thank you,

Image Frida Kahlo:Wat I saw in the Water

2011 Back Chat as Mind POSSEssion

So some side-notes about my commitment to post my writings onto my blog

Before I pushed the enter button thoughts are flashing through my mind – the girls refer to thoughts as movies within our heads- we have become possessed by the movie in our heads.

Thoughts as back-chat:

– “Its pointless”

– “I’m being dramatically within my writings”

– “I’m pedant within my writings”

So actually activities/characteristic I categorized as ‘bad’ and that’s why I don’t want to be seen as such. It holds judgment and fear

– “Its pointless”

Inherent belief that one can’t ‘fight’ the Giant, all Ants together makes the Giant.

– “I’m being dramatically within my writings”

Ok so here I see judgment towards emotions, and judgments as fear towards energy.

– “I’m pedant within my writings”

subtle self manipulation where I’m then tempted to give into b/c its seemingly ok to not want to act in a certain way, there doesn’t exist such a ‘certain’ way in fact, its only one way the way thats best for all.

Explaining yourself why you shouldn’t do something through reasoning is always irrational and uses logic to make your point valid and is actually a mind possession, so you walk your day from one mind possession to the next one. Really unnecessary.

We reason our way into infinity, we have become the Posse of the Possessed ones with no other reason than to keep the cause of the reason=possession alive. Time to get back to reality!

Get to know your mind demons:


2011 Bringing about the MessAge- Self Corrective Writings

Posting my writings onto my blog is what I’m currently push into being.

A resistance a layer that I can clearly see is to postpone bringing a task or activity to an end, to finish what one has started.

Latin ‘Finis’ ‘end’
Ok finish a task or activity, making my writings tangible, to derive it from the ‘skeleton’ my daily writings into a compact comprehensive message in sight of the eye of the public, to publish the message so we can end the mess of this age through the living word. So to walk it is a self willed consistent daily commitment.

Another layer of resistance is to publish my writings because then it becomes public.

The Latin word is ‘Publicare’ – make public.‘I’ very much resist to be in sight of all eyes, some love it, ‘I’ as pattern don’t. That’s why I will ‘I’ to bring about the Message in sight for all eyes so we can for once and for All End the Mess of this Age.

2010 Writing myself to freedom Daily writings-working with a dream

Monday 26 sept. 2010

Ok an other dream some days ago

Dream about being needy for male companionship

I arose with the feeling of being in need of a boyfriend b/c I dreamt about it.

I was in a big old house , probably it was my own house which needed a lot of renovation and deconstruction. I was walking around moving myself through rubble desperately waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. And I was devastated this experience stayed very much with me like how the fuck can I make something out of this mess without a man?

I was also carrying a child/toddler. At the moment the boyfriend arrived I saw that I didn’t actually ‘needed’ one in the first place and that I could do without.

Zina was with me as well- well the children were presence in the dream.

As I was walking around in that house I was a bit afraid as well being alone especially in relation to the house and the maintenance that needed to be done, being dependant on a an man to do the job for me. And then in the dream I already saw like ok if this is your starting point, WTF are you doing??

The minute the ‘boyfriend’ walked in I wanted the bf to be gone as well like it’s completely obsolete to be with a guy, there was irritation as well in my dream.

So wanting and desiring it and then when it’s presented itself I reject it. Ok that’s a polarity trap where one is participating within.

This mind construct also revealed it self when working with the SRA lesson-Undergarment and within the feedback from the resonances. Its the exact same construct more accurately similar yet slightly different. It’s the sequence where one is participating within before one is actually having a steady relationship. The expectation faze when one will ‘hunt’ for one and then exercise this polarity trap.

Ok I feel ‘walled’ here – I experience resistance a block/wall b/c I can’t write the point out fluently.

Ok the point is here within me. Its also one of the points that need to be re-aligned and already busy walking this specific point within the SRA/ and- resonances. I will ‘stall’ this until we get to the corrective application faze within the lessons.

So I will have a direct cross-reference and specified understanding of the point so I will be efficient within the re-alignment of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blank out when looking at this specific point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have full access to the information that is running as me within the structure of consciousness and experience a wall when looking into this specific point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand this state of blankness when looking into this specific point within myself.

Ok I see that this is something I dot want to publish in public so basically I don’t want to share this with others. So secret mind stuff so it must be a self-definition something I still hold unto to, obviously.

Fascinating is that along the way – what I start seeing and gain some insight about is that when one is clinging unto as the perceived ‘me’ ‘I’, is in essence all ‘presenting’ itself the same.One starts seeing the point/becoming aware, then start looking into the point, then a  wall of resistance is there for one to face and walk through until the alignment is completed. SRA and muscle communication are assisting with this process quite specifically and the procedures as the lessons. To speed up ones process – I actually wouldn’t have been able to walk such points without support& assistance.

So basically one can come to a point of self honesty alone yet one must have the ability to cross-reference points, the principle of “where two or more are walking in my name” applies here , other wise one can never be ‘sure’ and continues guessing and assuming about what is real.

ok will share here when more opens up

2010 Day to Day – writings

Sunday 26 September 2010


I was together with my sister and her husband and we were at my place which was in my dreams a huge place. So my sister and her husband where lighting a cigarette while being on their way outside.  I started to become anxious about it. I said you guys aren’t supposed to smoke inside the house. Yet they were making excuses that they were on their way outside so the act  was somehow less of smoking inside  – lol

So when looking at it later on I was a bit amazed about how I felt anxious about instead of telling them to put the cigarette out ( if that’s the appropriate expression)So actually waiting and getting all anxious about something I could have walked quite effortlessly, so where in my world do I do so? Exactly! Within  seemingly small points when being with others.

Then when we were outside I was somehow in an argument with them and I felt very angered/annoyed inside of the misunderstanding. Probably this locks into a conversation I had yesterday with my sister wherein I was inviting her over for zina’s birthday yet she wasn’t able to come and how I probably was reacting towards this resonantly and then allowed myself to listen to her ways of why she was already occupied and the details of her other appointment and from the old ways I just know that I am absolutely not interested in her stories about people I don’t know I will never met and her detailed agenda/ personal schedule.

It always bothers me when people start name dropping and talking about people whom I will probably never met and I also don’t see the relevancy of mentioning them into such specific detail. M a friend of mine is always doing so and a girl friend of mine has always been doing this as well. And making this also into the main topic the conversation evolves around.

Hmm isn’t yet clear to me what actually is that I am reactive towards.

To go back to the conversation I had with my sister I see a point of distracting attention, from not being able to attend the birthday to sharing the reasons why and then making that into the main topic to talk about. And then I (always) allow the conversation to end up lead by my sister and I allow her to actually dump all that verbal garbage and excuses at me.

So I basically said ok I need to go! Good luck with finding a school for your son b/c somehow her rant ended up there and that was actually what I picked up and then I hung up.

So basically when people are or to be more specifically when I allow others to take control of the conversation in terms of not cutting it clear that I am not interested to talk about such stuff or to be absolute specific I am not interest nor allow to listen to it actually – lol especially with her I always allow to much of that verbal bs. So cool must be clear on this point when I see where its heading I stop and simple end the conversation it isn’t serving me nor her. Through allowing such seemingly small point of compromise I am weakening myself constantly and actually imprison her/others together with me as well.

And I know one thing absolutely sure – that what doesn’t stand in the smaller cant and will never stand in the bigger

So, cool!

There is definitely more to it which is shifting from the words not being able to attend and then to hearing excuses her  taking the lead within the conversation and then I become annoyed yet this is now very much resonantly b/c I feel what is the word as experience here? Neglected/left out/ Abused?

I diminished myself instantly through irritation and when I bring it back here I felt also ‘melancholic’ shortly after and feeling slightly alone, and in need of company which I rarely have within this specific mind construct manifestation or to go shortly I hardly experience myself as this.

Ok I will do a session on this

2010 Daily writings-writing out my day

Saturday 25 September 2010

writing out my day


Today I spend the day with the girls no fever feeling a lot better, starting to physically stabilize which is cool!

So some points that came up today while I am stabilizing. I became aware that I want to spend my weekend here with the kids, ad when I am not with them I also want to stay at home. I have been all over the place visiting a friend almost every weekend for the last two months or so. And it was very cool to be able to do so!

I felt like a relief within me not having to run from one spot to another and being in a constant unpacking/packing modus  which is not something I prefer. It brings a lot of unecessary adjustments that must be made while  I am walking now a physical process of change. So in self honestly I stay here and get physically stabilized, work through the ‘urgent’points through writing and do what practically needs be done.

So that’s cleared

Fascinating how M experienced himself while he was at my place for the first time it was almost like he was jetlagged he experienced himself completely dis orientated and me being sick I wasn’t in the position to stand as the stabililty point.

I mean I have seen ‘disorientation’ in many people when I was still working in the holiday business when people arrived they were all traumatized by leaving their comfort zone – lol

That’s how we are programmed – we first need to stabilize and I know from experience that I am most of the time am doing that very fast, its not a self willed quality so to speak it is just within my base programming. It’s also a characteristic of my blood type B- Nomads. So naturally fast to adept to new situation for survival and given that my heritage stems from Mongols it must be on the seed already. Ok this aside.

So what came up as well the kids and how I find it so absolutely accepted that I do certain things and have certain personality traits and find this normal e.g. being ok with them watching movies yet I also see emerging within this that its convenient for me so I can have breakfast or so something else without them asking for attention. I also see guilt like now I am a bad mother or asking myself whether I should do so. Well when I spend tiem with them ist always quite enjoyable. Oh I saw it within the point of them taking ballet lessons and that I am always leaving and I asked myself why don’t I stay and enjoy that time with them? Or at least ones so I know what the lesson is all about. Just a simple question, seemingly a innocent action yet It shows me that I am in certain points especially the ones I take for granted as in not taking them into account as being important- I see that I do so b/c I don’t know how I should do it other wise actually b/c I didn’t scripted this for myself and I don’t have an example. Fascinating, really.

Lou is a bit on the “I try you” and is manipulating and playing around with it a lot. Whenever I have been sick and not with the girls for some time it takes me a while especially with Lou to re-align her with me again. She’s so witty and I almost must laugh about her ways – yet not acceptable and she knows this. Yet her range of looking for how far she can stretch it is something she is exploring and expanding on big time. Sigh – lol

I called my father today and he was sounding really defeated and I became sad not as an all consuming sadness yet I was slightly there. He is going to die and he said that this time it won’t take that long any more. I could hear it in his voice he is tired, he isn’t able to get sufficient air in his lungs anymore due to his illness. And he is tired of fighting – probably better that he will leave here. I actually do not know what I experience – no words

When talking to him I felt tears in my eye they didn’t came – now they are here. B once said that when someone dies in your world you morn other wise you will get sick- it makes sense ones system has accumulated so much information around this point that it must be released. Shoot everything is an orgasm. L

My ex mother in law is sick as well she suffers from cancer she’s in the hospital already for some time now and within her I saw that she became the point of illness so completely. She suffered from breast cancer and later on lung cancer manifested as well.

Breast related to self-nurturing and Lungs to family and the illness to anger. Yeah the mcs eating the flesh through permission – quite a vast point we must walk through within this.

So while I was sick seriously sick I stopped everything called mo and he was immediately instantly taking responsibility taking care for the kids, cooking and school wise. Which I today was very freaking grateful for and I text him to let him know. He text me back and I had tears and shivers. And a emotional body release – I can observe this now through my wrist when they are burning/warm and the back of my hands. I am so freaking grateful that I have a back up in terms of practical support with the kids when I am not able to take care of them. So cool to have this support, it must be and is in essence the same with all the youngsters living at home being in many ways supported to walk their process until they are willing themselves to stand on their own feet also depending on age. So yeah also within this I expand on understanding how this is working. Also to distinguish the difference between allowing dependency from a self-dishonest starting point or from self-support, that’s within each self honest path to walk.

Today when being in the store buying clothes for Zina I was observing the way the store manager was assisting me and I became aware of a over doing myself allowing myself to get dragged along with a certain pace. So I stopped – lol .

I was actually fascinated by the way she was expressing herself it was so robotic, repetitive obsessive like really digging and loading information while she was going through the cloths racks – yep fascinating

although I like her a lot hmm

In shops I find it still very hard to do so, stopping I mean and remain here. Yet I bought freaking everything I needed! And didn’t allowed myself to go along/drift of yet stayed focused- lol

Well as long one can do so b/c the minute you step into a store you lock into the gridline structure of it and then all the jungle gyms and rods – of course this is all knowledge and information – lol

I think that dimensionally it must be high traffic with all those structures and systems. hehehe

Ok go sleep now – die well and tomorrow I start all over