So ok I, it must come to a closure so I will.
The last period has actually been a pause moment a ‘in between phase ‘ this will now come to an end.
There is not so much to say about it, what must be done must be done what must be walked must be walked
and must be walked one step at the time.
I can’t be more or direct more than what I’m able to handle in one breath.
Ok, so let’s do it.
will be continued….
It has been a bit rough lately.
I also start seeing something else, yesterday I was crying and I was holding myself lying in bed, the tears were flowing and I couldn’t really understand what was going on b/c I rarely cry like that these days. I was holding myself tight, lying in a fetus position with my fingers crossed to contain myself here as the physical and tears were flowing.
I couldn’t really unravel it; it was quite a cool release from suppressed emotional/feeling bodies. This morning humiliation as experience was here for me to look at while opening up through writing and writing SF I started to cry even more I couldn’t stop.
I see that what is severely suppressed is contained within emotional bodies, resonating as such. These bodies are accepted thoughts lived into being; one cannot capture the words that have been creating such entities. Yet it controls one completely. So I walk back and this word humiliation came to surface, stepped forth as experience of self, which was suppressed within wordless emotional bodies/entities or however you want to name them.
It’s really like unwrapping myself, physically actually. Because It’s within the physical were the suppression is wrapped as it, I’ve become this as the physical.
While the physical is definitely supporting me ejecting the shit that shouldn’t be in it. I already walked such ejection of shit, rubbish that shouldn’t be there and I am still diffusing it; which almost becomes a natural thing that accompanies me. It will take time to get the unwanted stuff out.
Ok cool, I actually never have been writing it out as such.
So I can see how I have been trying the last couple of weeks to subtle manoeuvre myself to be more than the physical reality and it started to compound anger as well – so careful here because I can see how this is creating much friction and this will then be the layout of me towards the world and everything that enters my world – not cool!
Ok so the girls have been sick for the last couple of weeks. I actually never visited in such short time either a doctor or a dentist as the last couple of weeks. So being with them 24/7 is a story in itself when they’re sick it becomes quite a story-lol
I must then stop all the things I’m participating within, and reschedule everything at once. And here it started to become a bit ‘vague’ because I was juggling between: “I can do the things I must do versus still be there for them.”
Nope! Time has proven this over and over again: – Can’t do, won’t work!
So today I said and applied: Ok! They’re sick and that’s what is here and that’s what I’m able and must direct. Its simply needs to be done! Trying to be more than what the physical reality in the moment requires is really stupidity in action. So therefore I stop and I let it go.
Ok that’s it for today
I always believed that somehow I could bypass being responsible for world events such as war, poverty, abuse, famine etc. by simple giving my attention to something else. During my educational years – studying fine arts and exploring the picture presentation of this world -I didn’t got to a clear comprehensive assertive understanding of this world/reality. Despise all the years I’ve spend within the educational system it didn’t allow me to develop and explore understanding of being in this world and through this express responsibility for all as a natural expression that’s intrinsic with being in this world/reality.
It has made me a ‘useful’ member yes, but not amember that takes responsibility for all Equally, – it’s also not what our educational system is aiming for. Educating is being used for god the system to continue and to secure its existence.
Fleeing and escaping into visual ‘beauty’ and ‘esthetics’ deliberately avoiding any political involvement or engagement made me actually belief that I was safe yet escaping what is Real doesn’t make the ‘boogie man’ go away. That only exist within fairy tales.
It really doesn’t make sense to perceive that what isn’t ‘in your face’ isn’t part of your responsibility, by not acknowledging our ability to response to our world we don’t even bother to ask ourselves if we hold the power within to establish change for the betterment of all. Running away from the Real Raw Physical reality has never been the solution and it will never be the solution. That’s a law within this reality, you cant jus shovel the Manifested Physical Reality underneath the carpet without unnecessary manifested consequences.
We need to be able to question ourselves from where; what; how; when and from whom we’re actually walking/running away from. This challenge will lead to ourselves again. Answering these questions and living them into alignment with what is best for all will be the foundation for the Principle of Education on how we will teach our children and the children yet to come. For them to be able to live and understand this reality so no harm will ever be done upon Life again.
If you would ask any parent in this world, and I am a parent myself – if its preferable to teach your child to walk away from the world ‘outside’ – because is too ‘hard to bare’, not ‘nice, not how you ‘prefer’ it to be, not what you ‘like’ it to be. Every parent would say NO this is NOT what you want to teach/show your child yet we’re all Demonstrating exactly this construct. Running away from the manifested consequences ‘Out there’! We walk away from what we perceive as ‘Out There’ while in essence what we see as ‘impossible’ to deal with is exactly what we live as ourselves, running away from ourselves until infinity, not facing what we have manifested within our World/ Reality.
How much more suffering do we need to create into manifestation before we had enough? Do we really need to go as far until every single child is killed, raped, molested, mind controlled, when all colored people, women, the disabled, the poor and the list goes on and on until eventually every minority= threat in name of the system to survive will be destroyed. There is no Mercy within the current system. We the people must bring back Compassion to and as the people to give what we want for ourselves.
There is a legal body=Democracy already in place that calls for each single one of us to utilize our individual single votes so we can walk the Power of the Majority into being, to bring about change Equally for ALL. We are the People, the world ‘Out There! We, you and me are the ones that are within the position to bring change! Use your Vote as an act of Giving!
Politics is Here – Democracy is Here You are Here – I am Here!
So what are you waiting for?
I’m one vote for world Equality! Join us! Equal Life foundation – Equal money for All – http://equalmoney.org/
In changing the money system – we change All else
Head suckers
The girls are again infected with head louse, a reality that creates little children dependent on grown ups to get the blood suckers off is kind of disturbing.
So Lou became while getting the head louse off kind of hysterical I start to see what’s going on. She’s then actually totally ‘gone’ so she starts off with crying as a way to manipulate, then she starts to get into the energy of crying b/c of crying. So Zina started to laugh b/c she sees clearly what’s going on and so do I.
When I was holding her she said; -“I cant stop crying mom”, I see that ‘her ways’ always assist her to get it ‘her way’ when she’s not with us yet I have to remind her when she’s with us to remain Here and that she has to stop manipulating – so she knows and sees the difference yet sometimes it seems that she’s really getting confused about ‘there’ and Here.
What a fuck up we have created for our children and also completely unnecessary, time to change to recreate this world, – its only one letter; one breathe,- from there to Here for all to Walk in Equality.
So Ok
Another dimension opened up- while looking at the point justice and how I live this point as me.
When looking back – Yesterday at Z’s party a kid peed its pants. So I was comforting him saying that we all have sometimes an accident with peeing and so on. He was quite satisfied with the words, until another girl started to make comments that he peed his pants. I can see now in retrospective that I was entering the point of ‘Justice’ where I make sure that everyone in my world in my reality is treated ‘Fair’ in relation to ‘Unfair’. So a polarity construct where I ‘m not aware of and also haven’t find ‘fault’ within its participation. Its automated as me I do not direct it, this point is directing me as a puppet on a string.
So not finding anything ‘wrong’ with me participating within it.It wasn’t even a question within my reality at least not from the perspective of its starting point nor the necessity of its alignment, the resonances has been pointing this system design out to me. ‘Justice’ from the perspective of ‘Fairness’ to remain ‘Sane’ and in ‘Control’. Ok! I can very well relate to this and also see and observed the play out of this system manifestation in action. I was aware of this construct existent within me yet I never questioned the origin point of it nor its re-alignment. I actually always got stuck in the question why I experienced this and not how I ended up in this version, and where, when etc..Its all about being able to ask the right questions. Ok so,..
I also perceived being ‘Fair’ as a high valued personality asset/highly appreciated personalty feature- uhum yeah.
Hmm questionable actually b/c when I look at it now, its starting point stems from consciousness of structure. so the accumulating effect of it serves the structure of consciousness.
Dictionary
Justice
justice |ˈjəstis|
noun
1 just behavior or treatment : a concern for justice, peace, and genuine respect for people.
• the quality of being fair and reasonable : the justice of his case.
• the administration of the law or authority in maintaining this : a tragic miscarriage of justice.
• ( Justice) the personification of justice, usually a blindfolded woman holding scales and a sword.
2 a judge or magistrate, in particular a judge of the supreme court of a country or state.
PHRASES
bring someone to justice arrest someone for a crime and ensure that they are tried in court.
do oneself justice perform as well as one is able to.
do someone/something justice (or do justice to someone/something) do, treat, or represent with due fairness or appreciation : the brief menu does not do justice to the food.
in justice to out of fairness to : I say this in justice to both of you.
rough justice see rough .
DERIVATIVES
justiceship |-ˌ sh ip| noun ( in sense 2).
ORIGIN late Old English iustise [administration of the law,] via Old French from Latin justitia, from justus (see just ).
Ok, I see this standing out:
From Latin ‘iustise’ administration of the law – ok justice is living by law by the written word – I also see how I exchanged equality the principle for the laws of consciousness by integrating into my reality/this world.
The symbol of justice is also a cool allegory a blindfolded woman holding scales, being blind for the polarity construct one is so mistakable holding as ‘justice’ and ‘fairness’. B/c the only thing that is ‘just’- which means ‘law’ or ‘right’- is what is within the equality equation.
So fascinating enough I always lived the words ‘Justice’& ‘Fairness’ measured through the laws within the structure of consciousness. And within this I made sure that everything and everyone was always treated ‘Fair’ and thus within the system manifestation of it. ‘Justifiable’ through reason from the starting point that every thing/point within my world had to be ‘fair’. So situations/ people within my world were always measured by these standards and I started doing this already from a very early age. Probably to gain and give me a fake pillar of support within the structure to hold on to as the last point that could give me some sanity/fairness within my world. Yeah, other wise I would have lost my sanity or to be more specific I was afraid of loosing my sanity within my world by loosing control of my world and its structure- lol
Sanity originates from Latin – so that means health as well. So this construct which I lived ‘Sanity’ through was preventing me from loosing control thus from going insane.
Sanity – insanity
Memory: I remember being a child going into absolute anger and the experience of unfairness when people didn’t what they said they would do. My sister canceled her promise/ appointment with me and I went into such anger and such agony/rage and experienced ‘Unfairness’ in my bones. The sense of being powerless to such things b/c spoken words seemingly wasn’t law. And probably I already started to design myself into this specific set of words and living through them already ‘working’ on and designing my sense of ‘Sanity’ and thus ‘Control’ to keep a sense of ‘stability’ within the structure. So to make sure I never experienced such within myself ever again to never feel Injustice again towards me and to make sure that no one would ever treat me unfair! From now on I would measure everything within my world through the law of ‘Justice’, to give me a sense of ‘Sanity’ in a insane world.
I also see that I couldn’t place this ‘Unfairness’ within my world at all – it was to ‘big’ to handle and none could explain this construct to me or why people break a promise so basically why people in this world are not living the words they speak.
This to ‘big to handle’ has actually prevented me from looking right through the deception as well getting more clarity b/c I designed myself as such that I would never dare to question this design/construct other wise I would ‘loose’ my ‘sanity’ and thus my fake sense of ‘control’ within the structure- so basically I would loose myself within it.
And that actually happened when I started to study the material my ground was moving underneath me, yeah! B/c I actually saw/realised that my sense of ‘Justice’ wasn’t a real one – yet a fake one a make belief one, a structured one which didn’t entailed any substance anything real to it. It has shaken me quite a bit quite simulair as when I was working specific customized excercise by the resonances. Holding food while preparing diner and how I ‘saw’ what fake life actually is all about. I experienced the expression of the food here as me. It was actually only after the resonances cross-reference chat and them pointing out to me that I must have been surprised how that excercise went I only then started seeing it-lol. And now when I’m writing about it I actually become aware that I didn’t get to a point of clarity nor did I have been writing about it that much b/c at that time about 2 months ago, my personal scenery did changed so much that I wasn’t at a stable point to write that much and also wasnt really paying attention, not really slowing down- lol
So walking this point and expanding on it, how everything is structured as consciousness. And at the same time exploring this point through writing more as well.
So back to the words ‘Justice’-/’Fairness’-/ ‘Sanity’
So that’s it?
Nope seriously this point I have become completely and utterly without even knowing what the fuck I am participating within. So what I have stated and observed before is that within everything I participate within/observe/see I measure on the scales of ‘Justice’ so that’s what I automated to do. Why? B/c that’s how I programmed myself so I need to de-engineer it again.
Its playing out within my relationships actually with everything and all in this world, my reality. So I am always balancing this out. Always looking for that perfect spot to make sure everything is how I want it to be within this mind manifestation construct to remain in control of my world. Ok so an other dimension opened up as well namely the point of my allocation- point within the system related to my adoption.
While seeing the correlation I got pissed off and I had tears in my eyes of release and anger.
So what did I see? So how does this equate to each other? I mean I saw that those two points are intertwined through the unfairness of the ‘situation’- the adoption story= the information I was holding as such. This story always instigated a sense of ‘Justice’ in people, as in “The world shouldn’t be like this”. Yet there is a certain ‘Fairness’ within our system and this ‘fairness’ is the ‘saving’ grace of humanity because see fairness exist within the hearts of men, we are inherent good. Adoption exist so that is the ‘Fairness’ of the system. Balancing out the equation of the law of consciousness. You loose some you win some but justice will always win and fair play will always prevail- such fools we are.
Bringing all of the point Here, so ‘Justice’ within the system. We have laws the written word we can now be treated and treat each other fair and been hold accountable for one actions when e.g. injustice has done to each other. We can turn to the written words, the written laws of this world. Now there are always certain situation that are seen as ‘unfair’ and inequitable. Children and especially abandonded children is a sensitive entry/trigger point for the hearts of men it will ignite the construct manifestation design of ‘Justice/injustice and – fair/unfair .The Laws of the ‘heart’ of men the so called good inherent nature of men kind will reign. One will pay off ones guilt through participating in the construct of ‘Fairness’ it will prevail above the Equality Equation . Fairness and Justice are men made to cover up the real situation at hand, why even create and ‘live’ through these words that are Empty shelves to hide behind words. Information constructed to deliberately blindfold ourselves of the truth? To make sure we will not Empower the child that is dying and in need of care, nor Empower our neighbour for the betterment of All. No preference will prevail ‘Justice’ and ‘Fairness’ will prevail instead of empowering everyone equally! No more this will end as we are creating a new world re-aligning our starting point in the best interest of All that will empower the social weak and fore most the children that will come to this world.
So, probably that’s how I stand/stood as, my allocation point within the grid. ‘Justice’/ ‘Injustice’ -/ ‘Fair’/’Unfair’ looping in and as the polarity play out of this point. Already through and as the placement of me within the system by ‘even’ thinking of the adoption by telling the story about it, always feeding the construct- the structural design of it. By living through the definitions of ‘Fairness’ and ‘Justice’ feeding it and making sure that I remained and everyone else within it.I engineered the structural point as the physical without any understanding, awareness of it existence in any way nor its purpose.
So re-alignment is required.
Fascinating really!
there is here as me
There is not there as me its here as me
I do not have to go there its already here as me
There is here as me
LouLou is seeking for comfort and runs off to Zina when I don’t comfort her. Same as what I was always doing, I ran off to my older sister seeking for comfort. She has been pointing this out to me very clearly some years ago after I had a miscarriage and expected comfort from her. I couldn’t believe thats she pointed this out to me. I was so angry with her because I wanted her to comfort me, to be all what I wanted her to be for me an extension of my ‘mother’.
Please forgive me for my ignorance. I forgive myself that I’ve been accepting and allowing myself to seek comfort through the company of my sister by projecting all my perceived motherly missed attention onto her.
This has been the underlying reason the real starting point for not having contact with her for a while, some time ago. The oldest child is placed as an extension of the mother/father within the family matrix design.Hence my creation of projecting my wants needs of being in need of motherly comfort onto her. I see this very clearly now.
Its time to study what family and siblings actually are standing for to be able to realign the family unit with what is best for All.
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