2011 Back Chat within Creates without

I started a back-chat diary

w o w

That’s in fact revealing and dirty to say the least, all that severely hurts me within others behavior which always led to self compromise because I couldn’t  ‘stand’ within it exist within me as well.

So I bring it all back to self Here after I got possessed by anger towards a person. Took me a day to get this starting point straight again, sometimes I still try to convince if maybe, possibly, someone else is to blame for my experience – lol  – can’t do. This anger outburst of mine I can see  clearly now created through firstly fear towards seeing this person agin and while seeing this person again while talking together it became anger fed by allowed back chat which I can see is part of a suppressed unresolved part of me, not yet faced shit. I see clearly that I wasn’t directing me immediately in the moment when the fear was here within me  and I actually allowed to become petrified and that led to anger. My mis take.

The back chat that’s the most revealing is the one that is instantaneously simultaneously manifested while observing/participating within my world/reality . I can clearly see that it always accompanies a feeling, holds information.

Those, the immediate back-chats are the ones that are holding hidden self definitions, those I want to hold on to. The automation of the back-chat is indicative of these personality traits through simply observing/hearing the back chats while participating within my world/reality.

Kind of ugly shit – especially knowing that all exist within such ugly shit! If the back-chat would be revealed in one moment when talking to each other we would through the nastiness of it go insane or be in severe trouble by the ugliness of it.Probably we would smack each others heads. Back-chat the outflow of the principle of destruction to keep one firmly seated within ones Ego. This destruction is what we are living into being, the manifested consequence which is this world/ this reality.

Ok, so I got slightly depressed and severely shocked by the existence of the ugliness within me, the pile of ugliness is endless there seems to be always more, which is nothing else than waking up to the extend of the fuckedness of ones existence, alright, so I can’t stay within such allowed state for too long.

I’ve been creating the ugliness myself, Ok, so I push myself so I can stop myself and learn from the soft voices in my head; which is rather loud in its demands for winning and its call for destruction.Everyone’s backchat is as ugly as mine its real nasty shit. I will investigate my back chat, time to get the nasty shit out.

Back chat diaries the real secret within

2011 Mothers Children and Health Care

DID YOU KNOW?

In our world today nearly 11 million children under the age of 5 die in the world every year – well over 1,200 every hour most from easily preventable or treatable causes.

Fucked up and totally unnecessary.

When one of my kids is in pain, injured or ill, I’ll try to make them better, see a doctor, get a perspective so that the kids are able to get the required treatment and its done. I would get extensively stressed when I’m not able to solve it.

All mothers want to do exactly what I am doing, getting help for their children. Millions of mothers are not within that position. Just a simple act of care which is denied to millions of mothers and thus to their children. Medical care is a Basic Human Right, every one should have access to Free Health Care. It shouldn’t be something you have to earn or to fight for, no, it must be Given simply because we’re in this world.

Equal money will root out such allowed atrocities- in the name off free market and capitalism -to exist

2011 Automated Existence

I had to call the infant welfare centre for the exact details about the vaccination Zina got when she was a bit younger, I needed to double-check it to exclude a certain illness before I consulted a doctor.

I dialed the number and now I entered the telephone operation, which is completely automated you can only choose out of the given possibilities, press 1 or press 2 and so on.

I wasn’t really paying attention I missed my “press moment” so the whole sequence started again from the beginning.

Finally I got the procedure ‘right’ meaning I now successfully followed the pattern of the program yet this took me probably more than 15 min. before I actually got to speak with a person. Sigh.

Now another procedure started yet with a human being, and again I wasn’t really paying attention, not here in the moment breathing I allowed myself to drift off in an habitual response, the automated me.

I used to really despise this automated telephone operation systems to exist within the first place. I always struggled/fought with this kind of automated systems. This I expressed in being extremely uncooperative when it came down to these kind of phone calls as little small acts of ‘rebellion’ towards the system yet it isn’t rebellion in fact. It actually expresses complete lack of understanding of the system and how its operates. I Constricted myself within an idea of a small act of ‘rebellion’ against it when in fact I was operating within the system  perfectly! I wasn’t even aware that I was ‘rebelling’ against my own image and likeness.

This brings me to the following question: Where do you ‘rebel’ against?

2011 Wanting to be more than what is Real

So I can see how I have been trying the last couple of weeks to subtle manoeuvre myself to be more than the physical reality and it started to compound anger as well – so careful here because I can see how this is creating much friction and this will then be the layout of me towards the world and everything that enters my world – not cool!

Ok so the girls have been sick for the last couple of weeks. I actually never visited in such short time either a doctor or a dentist as the last couple of weeks. So being with them 24/7 is a story in itself when they’re sick it becomes quite a story-lol

I must then stop all the things I’m participating within, and reschedule everything at once. And here it started to become a bit ‘vague’ because I was juggling between: “I can do the things I must do versus  still be there for them.”

Nope! Time has proven this over and over again: – Can’t do, won’t work!

So today I said and applied: Ok! They’re sick and that’s what is here and that’s what I’m able and must direct. Its simply needs to be done! Trying to be more than what the physical reality in the moment requires is really stupidity in action. So therefore I stop and I let it go.

Ok that’s it for today

2011 Back Chat as Mind POSSEssion

So some side-notes about my commitment to post my writings onto my blog

Before I pushed the enter button thoughts are flashing through my mind – the girls refer to thoughts as movies within our heads- we have become possessed by the movie in our heads.

Thoughts as back-chat:

– “Its pointless”

– “I’m being dramatically within my writings”

– “I’m pedant within my writings”

So actually activities/characteristic I categorized as ‘bad’ and that’s why I don’t want to be seen as such. It holds judgment and fear

– “Its pointless”

Inherent belief that one can’t ‘fight’ the Giant, all Ants together makes the Giant.

– “I’m being dramatically within my writings”

Ok so here I see judgment towards emotions, and judgments as fear towards energy.

– “I’m pedant within my writings”

subtle self manipulation where I’m then tempted to give into b/c its seemingly ok to not want to act in a certain way, there doesn’t exist such a ‘certain’ way in fact, its only one way the way thats best for all.

Explaining yourself why you shouldn’t do something through reasoning is always irrational and uses logic to make your point valid and is actually a mind possession, so you walk your day from one mind possession to the next one. Really unnecessary.

We reason our way into infinity, we have become the Posse of the Possessed ones with no other reason than to keep the cause of the reason=possession alive. Time to get back to reality!

Get to know your mind demons:

http://demonology.co.za

2011 How I assist myself when standing before a window of opportunity. Time looping or Correction – Process Support Writings

In my previous blog entry I have been writing about some layers as resistance, those are returning experiences of myself. It can actually be all kind of experiences such as fear of people, fear of speaking up etc.Points  which I simply can push myself through because I already prepared the way before me through writing opening up the construct the layout, who I am within it. So here I will share some pointers on how I practically walk such alignments.

Time looping:

Either one goes into an unnecessary experience through self compromise, giving into a ‘weakness’/personality trait /pattern that one is actually more than ready to take on and walk into correction, yet one still holds on to the old. Not yet pushing Self absolute into being, still doubts and mind/back – chat going on. Then one will go into a time loop, walk into an experience and then write ones SF again yet now not about the actual point but about not pushing oneself through the resistance. The longer one post-phone the actualization of ones re-alignment the more difficult it becomes. One will get to a point where one just don’t trust oneself anymore, same as with falling while quitting an addiction one have failed oneself just to many times. And from here each attempt to stop thus change oneself becomes more difficult. I have found within me that it can take a very long time before one readied oneself again to take the point on again.

Self-Correction:

Or one just walks through it in every given moment when the resistance as tiredness; sleepiness, procrastination, fear etc. presents itself. Stop, breath push and what assist me practically within such moments is to ask myself whether it’s worth it to make an experience out of the perceived wall of resistance. I am the one who decides whether I hold onto what I prefer or walk into and as Principle. So in essence showing myself that I am the one that choose to experience myself as tiredness; sleepiness; fear and so on and no one else. I decide how I experience myself, it’s either Yes or No, simple!

When or while walking through the resistance and more points are opening up that I didn’t yet realized or seen within me I flag-point it and go back to the drawing board again.

Prepare the way before yourself so you will be equipped the next time you face the same point again. Every window holds the key to change and so I expand on walking into understanding, realigning myself; which is a fascinating journey, as we all know by now!


2011 Bringing about the MessAge- Self Corrective Writings

Posting my writings onto my blog is what I’m currently push into being.

A resistance a layer that I can clearly see is to postpone bringing a task or activity to an end, to finish what one has started.

Finish
Latin ‘Finis’ ‘end’
Ok finish a task or activity, making my writings tangible, to derive it from the ‘skeleton’ my daily writings into a compact comprehensive message in sight of the eye of the public, to publish the message so we can end the mess of this age through the living word. So to walk it is a self willed consistent daily commitment.


Another layer of resistance is to publish my writings because then it becomes public.

Publish
The Latin word is ‘Publicare’ – make public.‘I’ very much resist to be in sight of all eyes, some love it, ‘I’ as pattern don’t. That’s why I will ‘I’ to bring about the Message in sight for all eyes so we can for once and for All End the Mess of this Age.