2011 Introducing myself- my story Finding Desteni, the journey to Self


When I stumbled upon my first video at Desteni back in dec. 2007 I couldn’t have imagine that it would actually be the beginning of the end of ‘me’.

I walked the world matrix quite extensively meaning I did my education, got a professional career, got into relationship, got a child, quit my job to be a stay at home mom. The journey, which led me to this life and this version of me, is the actual process I am walking, to study and investigate my accepted and allowed reality within the Desteni ‘I’ process.

I’ve been raised as a Christian yet my parents were not strict in practising their religion. By the time I was ten or so I really saw that Nope the bible and its interpretation cannot in fact be so. From there the journey of finding ‘The Truth” of me began. The LOA has been an accepted part of my upbringing; my family were very much into self-help books and psychology. I sincerely believed that it was my actual plight to live the fullest potential of me and become the best of me within the context of what I accepted as “getting the best out of me” in this life. I was a seeker and collector of experiences I wanted to experience it all one of my mantra’s was: “I only live once so I must make the best out of it here and now” Little did I know then, that yes this is so yet what one will bring into creation all depends on ones starting-point-lol

Whether it was Yoga, mediation, psychic reading’s, drugs, alcohol, clubbing, travelling etc.. I wanted to experience it all and from a matrix perspective yes so to speak, I did it all. By the time I settled down to be a mom, I stumbled upon the living application of what’s best for all, – Destonians and Practivism.

Initially by reading and watching the material what was standing out for me were the words used and the clarity within the sentences, how the message was scripted. I never heard such clear structured yet living real langue before. Which was remarkable because we all use words, so to be able to use words in such a way that all seems ‘new’ creating a platform to look at this world/reality from a complete different perspective, was mind-blowing and a call for more!

The message of oneness and equality wasn’t hard to grasp – it resonated within me as the absolute truth, which wasn’t debatable.

I was actually seeking for the truth/life we all do other wise we would be content with our current truth which is our life, each individual life is each individual truth. So when one is seeking one is living the confirmation that one’s life is a lie, common sense.

I immediately started waking with, initially through writing because in writing one gives self the opportunity to pull all hidden information about oneself which is inside to the surface, outside. Writing is an amazing tool to self.

It wasn’t an ‘easy’ or ‘funny’ or a tralalala experience I must say it took me a while to stabilise within integrating the tools of Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty, 4 count Breathing, Self-Corrective Application into my day-to-day living. Through being consistent in writing and applying the tools on a day-to-day basis I created a platform from where I could walk. This obvious takes time, we’ve been creating ourselves meticulously into specificity and detailed as our accepted expression over a period of time, so walking backwards in space-time in order to walk into corrective application to bring about what’s best for all, will take time and consistent self-willed application.

The forums and the blogs by fellow Destonians have been of invaluable support, I haven’t encountered such a place before where people in self-Honesty are sharing themselves, which takes a lot of courage, discipline and will power, I know from my own experiences what it takes to walk with. My visits to the farm with and without the children have given me a glimpse of what it means/will be like to manifest Heaven on Earth. while being at the Desteni Farm one can experience for a moment to live one and equal to truly support and assist each other as a group. To give All what one wants for themselves, security, safety, comfort which is currently only established and given through money, equal money will end the atrocity so we’ll create a platform from where we will value life as it should have been from the very start.

Initially I wasn’t really walking this process for myself I ‘saw’ my children and the ones yet to come I just had to act on the information and knowledge presented to me.I had to at least give me- and thus my children-an equal opportunity to see for myself what I have become and who I am within what I do.By walking with, I got to a clear and substantial understanding that what I live one and equal as expression will be manifested and the living example for all and for my children, simple!

Being a parent opens up the window of Possibilities and Grace. While interacting with Children one is forced to practically walk instantly, immediately within the moment here – lol No room for introspection, just do it!

While participating with my children, falling and standing up again became a daily living practical action!

In fact the children and the factual relationship with them have been and still is a Real wake up call, a Reality check. Reality as physical substantial manifestation isn’t up to ideas, beliefs, conditions etc..it has completely different laws. Its Direct, Here, Immediately within every moment. It’s useless to be or want to be more than the physical it has been the downfall of man, so time to stand up and walk equality for all as the change we will bring about as the real parents of this world, lets get this done!

So give yourself a reality check and walk with,- if you have the couRage!

Thank you,
Jozien

Image Frida Kahlo:Wat I saw in the Water

2011 Equality as Life Style!


I start over again!
So the decision is made I’ll move out of the house and probably leave the city as well and thus its lifestyle that has been m’I’ne for such a long period of time and by this I’m saying farewell to something a ‘style’ of living that doesn’t serves me anymore.
The structural design within I’m living here in the city is part of or even more accurate is ‘me’ in the old ways. It opened up within me that I simply could let go of this so called Lifestyle I created and constructed here. I’m not this person anymore, that persona as this very construct has died. I have lived this constructed manifested life fully into completion. I actually walked the whole matrix of aDullt life into completion by:
Getting into a relationship/marriage- getting kids- buying a house, the ‘Works’.
Married with children living the ‘perfect’ city lifestyle everything in place everything I placed so carefully for us all after “I lived it all and did it all” fase and before I started walking this ‘I’ process of self-honesty.

It was kind of straining to keep all those persona’s within the structure in place and it’s a full-time job, a commitment for life and I’m done doing so. Actually already some time ago yet I’m still living within the structural design of something; which is of the past, it has become quite useless in fact.

It served its purpose yet it doesn’t hold that purpose anymore. It’s quite fascinating to see how I’ve been meticulously designing myself into and as this ‘persona’ living in the city. From ‘Sex in the City’ to married with children. It freaking takes dedication and effort to establish/ manifest it into being. Sometimes I’m still amazed in awe/respect of others manifestation of how they established their thingy into being not yet realizing in full awareness that I did (all do) the exact same thing. We bring exactly that into manifestation what we intended to do, each single meticulous detail of it.

So from here having a ‘fresh’ look at what we’re establishing within this process of walking into a world that will bring equality for all by establishing an equal money system is of the same meticulous precise detailed placement of oneself within the greater to have eventually an impact, preparing the way before us. If one look at what one is able to create by looking back at one’s life and how this ability to create can be a force of real change when the alignment is adjusted with serving all! We can actually do it and will do so!

Yet now I break up again starting all over again. This time it will be the first time from the starting point of de-engineering myself realigning myself with what is best for all. Its kind of surreal! Can one really do so? Yes one can!

Equality as Life Style all included is my new devise!

2011 More on Suppression

It has been a bit rough lately.
I also start seeing something else, yesterday I was crying and I was holding myself lying in bed, the tears were flowing and I couldn’t really understand what was going on b/c I rarely cry like that these days. I was holding myself tight, lying in a fetus position with my fingers crossed to contain myself here as the physical and tears were flowing.

I couldn’t really unravel it; it was quite a cool release from suppressed emotional/feeling bodies. This morning humiliation as experience was here for me to look at while opening up through writing and writing SF I started to cry even more I couldn’t stop.

I see that what is severely suppressed is contained within emotional bodies, resonating as such. These bodies are accepted thoughts lived into being; one cannot capture the words that have been creating such entities. Yet it controls one completely. So I walk back and this word humiliation came to surface, stepped forth as experience of self, which was suppressed within wordless emotional bodies/entities or however you want to name them.

It’s really like unwrapping myself, physically actually. Because It’s within the physical were the suppression is wrapped as it, I’ve become this as the physical.

While the physical is definitely supporting me ejecting the shit that shouldn’t be in it. I already walked such ejection of shit, rubbish that shouldn’t be there and I am still diffusing it; which almost becomes a natural thing that accompanies me. It will take time to get the unwanted stuff out.

Ok cool, I actually never have been writing it out as such.

2011 Unwrapping Self-Suppression


Wrap sounds like crap – lol

Underneath anger, rage and embarrassment within me, the real experience lies dormant, which I didn’t yet allowed myself to embrace as part of me. While walking the TL of a Mind Construct a window of opportunity opens up to go to the core of the suppressed slumbering real experience of oneself that’s so tightly wrapped up as more ‘acceptable’/’suitable’ expressions such as anger and irritation.

While walking Time Lines, which is part of Mind Construct within the SRA course, one is slowing oneself down to walk through memories as the actual participant and so opening oneself up. While doing so I see an energetic ‘wall’ which is the resistance, I walk through it to be able to go to the core of the real experience of self that opens up the suppressed experience such as: Feeling less than, Feeling inferior, Feeling unequal.

Experiences such as being inferior/unequal/less than is not a good thing so I deem it as ‘bad’, and must be immediately suppressed

I start opening up more getting and becoming more comfortable with what is here as experience as me while taking this ‘in’. I experience a shock an electrical shock of waking up to the real experience of self; which is through walking the layout of the Mind Constructs within the SRA-Course showing its Real face. Simultaneously while walking through it, opening up I experience a physical relief.
I’m amazed actually in disbelief how something so simple could have lie dormant right in front of my eyes without being able to break through the boundaries of the control.

Self, in –to- me- I- see, becoming familiar with me, getting to know me! Self first!
So this is self-intimacy in actual application, allowing myself to see beyond anger, rage, irritation, to allow myself to surface the suppressed experience. To allow myself to see that I experience feelings such as: being hurt, inferior, embarrassment, feel less and so on it exist within me and its ok to see this part of me which doesn’t imply that its acceptable– lol
It’s here for realignment, a window of opportunity so I can stop the automated suppression of categorised bad experiences of myself.
When did this automated self-suppression become an habitual coping mechanism in the first place?

Ok, Cool!
It’s not that bad – lol

2011 Closing Doors


The future prospect of fucking up again and walking into the same time loop is not preferable, so time to get Real.
And thus: Stay Real! And Be Physical!

So where am I at? And what is Here for me to walk?
Finding myself again Standing face to face with the manifested consequences= Money=Self. Standing in front of this part of me where coping mechanisms patterns starts emerging; which is here once again for me to see and realize a window of opportunity to unravel the totality of the whole pattern. So I can sort it out to not allow myself to walk into unnecessary time loops/experiences again.

Patterns as reactions towards this point:
Sadness as in: “Oh freaking shit no, I can’t handle it” yet suppressed as resonance ‘experience’ I have become this point in its totality. So no need for thoughts to accompany the experience, that’s how one could describe the resonances, patterns that are ‘thoughtless’ yet directive as principle.
Tiredness and sleepiness are indicative of the suppressed state of this point; I actually immediately wanted to sleep as it emerged yet instead I took a bath with the girls, which was great fun-lol.

“Oh no I cant handle this” needs more introspection, it’s a point of self defeat and sabotaging the point of standing all one which also is linked to the matrix of self nurturing that I’m still walking into awareness. I will dig deeper into this write this out into specificity in what I currently see and understand.

Running away: ‘Sneaking’ off to self -created back doors. Running away from walking/ facing the real experience of self, which is suppressed as the accepted habitual nature, tempting and automated to run away again from the real experience specifically related to this point. I see thoughts as back chat coming up yet very slight, it emerges to run off to someone, anything ‘better’ than facing this point head on.
Point of Self- intimacy, who am I as pattern?

I allow myself to remain Here, Solid within me, whole safe, Secure, Comfortable, Strong as Strength anchored in and as the physical walking every moment of and as Here as self commitment as me.

So actually cool! I can from here unravel the pattern, slow it down to root it out
Time to close Doors, simple!

2011 Mothers Children and Health Care

DID YOU KNOW?

In our world today nearly 11 million children under the age of 5 die in the world every year – well over 1,200 every hour most from easily preventable or treatable causes.

Fucked up and totally unnecessary.

When one of my kids is in pain, injured or ill, I’ll try to make them better, see a doctor, get a perspective so that the kids are able to get the required treatment and its done. I would get extensively stressed when I’m not able to solve it.

All mothers want to do exactly what I am doing, getting help for their children. Millions of mothers are not within that position. Just a simple act of care which is denied to millions of mothers and thus to their children. Medical care is a Basic Human Right, every one should have access to Free Health Care. It shouldn’t be something you have to earn or to fight for, no, it must be Given simply because we’re in this world.

Equal money will root out such allowed atrocities- in the name off free market and capitalism -to exist

2011 Wanting to be more than what is Real

So I can see how I have been trying the last couple of weeks to subtle manoeuvre myself to be more than the physical reality and it started to compound anger as well – so careful here because I can see how this is creating much friction and this will then be the layout of me towards the world and everything that enters my world – not cool!

Ok so the girls have been sick for the last couple of weeks. I actually never visited in such short time either a doctor or a dentist as the last couple of weeks. So being with them 24/7 is a story in itself when they’re sick it becomes quite a story-lol

I must then stop all the things I’m participating within, and reschedule everything at once. And here it started to become a bit ‘vague’ because I was juggling between: “I can do the things I must do versus  still be there for them.”

Nope! Time has proven this over and over again: – Can’t do, won’t work!

So today I said and applied: Ok! They’re sick and that’s what is here and that’s what I’m able and must direct. Its simply needs to be done! Trying to be more than what the physical reality in the moment requires is really stupidity in action. So therefore I stop and I let it go.

Ok that’s it for today